it is a hard matter for friends to meet; but
mountains may be removed with earthquakes
and so encounter


Mandana White
Calais Vt 1844
Mandana Goodnough
May 28,th 1845.


1843
Dec
24
Went in the evening to Plainfield, to the celebration
of the advent of our Savior into the world. How
thankful we ought to be for his appearance among
mankind to save them from sin and bondage and
translate them into that heaven below where peace
immortal reigns; he points to the better world: when
sickness and sorrow reign, he gives the assuance [assurance], blessed
are those that mourn for they shall be comforted.
If we look to him we shall be comforted though we
are plunged in the depths of sorrow: Though earthly
objects are beautiful he is beauty and perfection -
When others reviled he reviled not again: he sat [set] a
perfect example for us to follow; what he taught by
precept he taught by example also; 'for he was tempted
like as we are yet without sin'
1844
Jan
1st
Another year is past: another year is gone; and where
am I? my life is still spared; but where am I? still
under the bondage of sin; stil do I cling to the
earthly nature and do many things I ought
not to do, and walk in perverse ways; my lips are
prone to folly, and my feet to evile ways. When shall
I be released from this bondage of sin? not until
I take religion for my only guide. The occurrance
of the past evening; what shall I think of it? If
Father or Mother had been at home there would have
been no such game caried on it has caused rather
hard feelings on my part and to have one who
is comparatively a stranger used so it is too bad
I know no hurt of him and wish to use him well


1844
Jan
1st
but it was not in my power to pervent [prevent] it the boys
here would never thought of doing thus if they had
had no company but I must make the best of it I
can. I am today in school have been teaching now 2
weeks: I do not like the place verry much, it is called Soddom
m
15
This is my birth day I am now 18 years old; 18 years
have now passed over my head; the time has now arrived
in
my age in
which girls generaly are free from the controll of
their parents; but probably the controll of my parents
will not cease now: I expect to be the same now as ever
and that they will be the same to me. I am now sick
with the mumps I had them last week and then
took cold and now have then [them] in earnest for my
birthday comfort; I hope this day is not a sample to
me of this year for it began in sorrow: have not been
able to sit up all of the day; my face and neck are
swolen verry badly on the right side the effects of
taking cold. Orrilla is sick now, not verry sick
21
Have now almost recovered from the mumps and am
in hopes of going to my school tomorrow. O may
I be guided to do right in all things For Thou O
Lord knowest what is best for me wilt thou guide
me accordingly. Lester came here this last week and
told us Elvira is sick but we could not go to see
her he wanted Mother to go home with him but she could
not
28
Went to see Cousin Sarah who has lately come from
Me I do not approve of going to visit on sunday
but she is sick she has a young babe and could not
come to see me and I could not go any other time.


1844
Feb
1st
Aunt Lydia is gone: yes her spirit has taken its
flight to the better land. I saw her sunday well to all
appearance or at least she said she was and monday night
she was a corpse; how suddenly and unexpectedly; she
in the prime of life one day in good health,
and the next a corpse: they had hardly time to
get the children home to see her before she died
one was 20 miles from home: she has left her
family to lament her early death, and her
brothers child a babe 6 months old is now left
motherles a second time that shared her affection
equaly with her own children. She will be lamented
by all for all loved her she was so kind to the
sick she would go to take care of the sick at all
times, and she will be greatly missed by the sick.
Today her body is committed to the silent grave there
to be food for worms but her spirit will soar to
God who gave it. Who can describe the anguish of
her family on this solemn day
Feb
4
Have been to a funeral to day one of our best neighbors
Mr A Bliss has been this day committed to the tomb
he was as much beloved as any one could be by neighbors
his loss will be universaly felt; his life was short
on earth, but he has acquired many, all speek well
of him he was one of the best of men
11th
7 o-clock
evening
Here I am alone, subject to my own meditation: they
are all gone except Grandmother and she is in
her own room. There has been another funeral within
a few miles of here to-day, another Parent has this


1844
Feb
11
day been committed to the silent grave he died of the
erysipelas. - I thank Thee O Lord that thou hast
chastised me for I know that thou did it for my good
before I went astray more than I do now; now I know thy
wisdom and counsel better; what once seemed affliction
now appears to me for my good what I once considered
evile I now regard as good. Some events of this present
winter that now appear dark I hope will be revealed
for good I think I have seen some good result and
hope more will come of it hope all things will be for
the best. we expect company here to stay over night
one Gentleman and two Ladies
17
This is the last day of my school and glad am I for
it has not been verry pleasant to me at least many
things have occured which have not added to my happin-
ess but it is now over and hope it will be forgotten
or its effects cease, probably some have been suited and others
have not and others have not [sic]; some things which I was severely
censured for by some the Committee approved of, but my conscience
does not upbraid me; if I have done wrong hope shall see my error.
18
How evile are the thoughts of mankind when not guided by the
precepts of the gospel what they will do when they are at enm-
ity this has been illustrated here lately; a Gentleman who
was intimate here was enquired about and received
a name which he would blush to own or at least he
was represented in no favorable manner these stories appear
to me to be the invention of those who wish to injure him
their truth I intend to learn if it is true or false
I was to know it.


1844
Feb
20
I am now going to stay with sister Elvira she has moved
into town and is not scarcely able to walk and I must
go and take care of her: it seems like going to a prison
to go there some of the incidents of the last summer
come up into my mind and I shrink from doing
my duty but Elvira must not suffer when
it is in my power to take care of her: but I can
not go with that cheerfulness that I could have gone
with one year ago: but this will not do
The future seems dark to me; what trouble is in
store for me I know not but a heavy cloud seems
to hang over my mind what is to become of me I
know not. I am at times discouraged and cast
down I think the best thing for me would be to
go a short distance from home and procure consta
nt
employment but to this thay [they] would not hear a
word all of my friends think it would be
a disgrace for me to go out to work but it is far
diferent with me it would be my choice to go:
many think me always happy but if they could
see me as I am they would find I had cares and
trouble as well as others who have not that which
will support them in a trying hour. O that
religion pure and undefiled before the Father
woud lend me her aid that she would make
her abode with me; then when temptation come
I shall have something that will support me;
then peace of mind would peace of mind be
my portion. I think the reading of novels has


1844
Feb
been a great injury to me though others would not
think so. I think it leads the mind to the light
and frivolous while it neglects the deep and, hard
to understand. I have seen the time when I would
read evry novel whether good or bad that I could
lay my hands on and read almost all night
when I could not find time to read in the
day time; this not only injured my health
but my reasoning faculties
26
This evening Wm H - called here to contradict
statements made relative to him a little more than
a year ago: and most earnestly did he plead to be
again received as a near friend, but that was
not at the present time expedient: there was
one report he called Heaven and angels to witness
his innocence. I pitty him but can not help it now
March
3
Am at home Elsey is here sick her Mother left her
here yesterday and last night she was taken sick
O that her mother were here if she is not able
to take care of her it would be a comfort to me
but we must do the best we can for her
10
Elsey is better now; so she can play considerable:
we expect her Mother tomorrow and I shall be
glad though Elsey is not much trouble now
12
What to think I know not: all of these rumors
are mysteries to me; what was intimated a short
time ago to be false is now reported to be true;
but hope shall not let it trouble me; for I can not
but help thinking it will be directed by Him


1844
March
12
Who ruleth in the heavens above and in the earth
beneath he knows best when he ruleth let the earth
rejoice for 'He is too wise to err and too good to
be cruel'; therefore will I trust in him.
24
Have just come home from my Sister's; she
was here yesterday and not being verry well when
she went home she wanted me to go with her
so I went. We had company yesterday and they
have not gone yet there is several here to day.
30
Am to-day at Uncle Toby's helping Cousin Roxana
prepare to go to work in the factory. I came here yesterday
after having been to the funeral of Mr S Curtis.
Uncle Toby's family I fear will soon be scattered
now they have no Mother to keep them together.
31
Came home this morning. did not wish to go to meeting
so I staid at home: the rest are all gone except Grandmo
ther
15
Today is Elseys birth day she is now 3 years old.
Three years are gone and past they have brought
both happiness
and misery.
O that all enmity were
burried I have made great efforts but it
will sometimes rise in my mind but it
shall be destroyed and peace reign.
21
Did not go to meeting to day; but staid at
home and lay on the bed. and read. A P M
has been here this last week and staid here
two nights he was verry steady for him but
before he went away he reminded me of the past
and gave me some good advise which I told him I
hoped he would profit by himself, he laughed and then
departed


1844
May
1
Am with sister Elvira: she not being able to do her own
work I know not how long shall stay: it has been my
intention to visit considerable this spring but if I
stay here long shall be disappointed am going this
afternoon if pleasant to a quilting at one of the
neighbors but it will be rather hard for me for
I shall have to go home first
10
To be censured for things that I have done by those who
advised me to do them it is too much when I have
tried evry way to please and often not pleased myself
and then to have anything expressed in the form of
censure it is too much for me to feel camly under
But I have one thing to console me my conscience
does not upbraid me for before I have taken any
verry important step I have consulted my Parents;
though now I suppose they wish they had advised me
diferently; but it is too late it is past and I am not sorry
To marry a man who has no education to get worldly
gain his only aim is an idea I wish to abhor: I
prefer before this to be an 'Old Maid' and know
the 'loneliness of an Old Maid's life'; for I have
long been called one in sport. To marry for
wealth I do dispise love in the retired cottage
to please me: I want none of the idle flatterers
of the of the [sic] busy world to surround: I want the
approving of my own conscience at all times.
19
Have been to East Montpelier to meeting to day
to hear Br Ballou preach; had verry good meeting


1844
May
23
Have been to day to a singing convention at Plainfield
we had a good time of it I worked for Father
this forenoon so that he could let Franklin go.
26
Have been to meeting to day here in Calais: went into
the Bible Class to day for the first time have not
been to meeting before since it commensed hope shall
be benifitted much by attending to the study of the Bible
June
2
Father and Mother have gone to Montpelier to a Methodist
meeting the first time I have known them or at least
Father to go to a Methodist meeting for a long time
8
Today Father has been raising a shed we did not know
that he was going to raise it until last night at
dark and we have had to work hard to prepare for it
When my mind gets comparatively tranquil something
will happen to disturb it: it is far from being in
the right mood many comparatively trifling things
disturb it: a few weeks ago Father received a letter
from JCM (though I know not what it contains
for he did not see fit to show it to me) which
greatly disturbs me I see not why I should be
annoyed in this way by letters and papers
23
Slander what is it but the destroyer of mankind
what blasts more of human happiness than slander
it blights the fairest prospects of man and what is
worse than
for
a professed Christian to indulge in
slander. I know the 'tongue is an unruly member
which no man can tame' but a Christian ought to
controll their. At least when we see churchmem-
-[b]ers at war we are apt to conclude all is not right


June
23
1844
I think they profess what they do not possess. It is
more despicable in a proffessed christian than in
others for their name implies better things even
if they do not do better. How many a fair
reputation has been destroyed by slander. How many
sighs and tears have been caused by slander. When once
a slanderous story is started it goes the rounds and
looses nothing by going a few miles; it generaly receives
additional polish from evry teller
July
4
In the forenon I spun wool in the afternoon went
to see Ermina and hear from the friends at the factory
We all went and had a good time
7
Have been to Woodburry to meeting to day there were
a great many from Calais there. We had good time
28
Have been to meeting to east Montpelier there is something
curious I should think on this days adventure several
weeks ago Cousin Charles invited us to go to Montpelier
Village with him to day or in 2 weeks from today
and last monday Br Warren came here and says to me
will you go to Montpelier to meeting with us next
sunday and I told him my previous engagement
but told him that I would go if I could and he said
no more Mother was at Br Warrens during the week
and said Laura was going to meeting with him
so there it rested until this morning when
Orrilla over persuaded me to go to meeting with her
and we would go in company with Br and drive
our team and so we went accordingly but coming
home he told me that he did not ask me to go


1844
with him to Meeting but it was to go with Mr Eli
Goodenough a gentleman at work on his house.
I have not had any little circumstance mortify me
I know not when. After tea Orrilla and I went to see
Elvira and Lester made some allusion to our going
alone to meeting and laughed at the gentlemen
present concerning it; and Eli said the next
time he wanted any one to go to meeting or any
where else he should ask them himself. Capt Ira
Morse was there and he brought us home.
Aug
3
Last Monday Eli came here and an explanation
took place in respect to the proceedings of the day
before and he asked me to go to the townhouse to
meeting and at 5 oclock he invited me to attend
meeting at a school house in Montpelier when
we were coming home he invited me to go to Cabot
next saturday as Lester is going to preach there
and probably Elvira will go but I could not tell
whether I could go or not but would if could
9
Have concluded to go to Cabot with Eli as Franklin
has concluded he should not go to Montpelier and
so Orrilla could not go if I went,
and
as Charles did
not ask me any more than he did her I concluded
to let her go and I go to Cabot I do not know but
this will be wrong but it will soon be to late to
retract
10
Have just arrived at home have had a good time
staid last night at Eli's Fathers have been to
meeting to day have enjoyed myself verry well
we all went to Mr Wallace's and took dinner.


1844
Aug
26
6 oclock
AM
Am now almost ready to start for Lebanon; in about
an hour, to bid adieu to Parents and sister, and go among
strangers there to take up my abode for a short time but
it will seem long to me far from home and
all
that
is near and dear on earth but must not write more
28
Lebanon NH__ is now to be my home for a short time, during
one term of the school. I came here last night, Eli brought
me here and left me this morning; and went to
Strafford to meeting. Never before did I love a friend
as I do him, that I had not been longer acquainted
with: I esteem his friendship much; he appears to
think a great deal of me, and it was hard for us to
part; last night he talked to me all the evening and
gave me much good advice, which I shall do well to remem
ber
O that I may deserve and retern his love, as I ought.
I fear he loves me better than I deserve; I fear he has left
the company of annother, for me; if he has it will be too
bad: I know he has left her but know not why. He has
promised to write to me often and to visit me if possible.
when the school is half out it was harder for me to
have him leave me than to leave home
Sept
3
Can not keep my mind on my book for I expected a
letter to night and am verry much disappointed
the expectation of this letter has alone kept me from
being homesick and now I know not what I shall do
I feel verry uneasy but I try to as contented as possible
but discontent will continually rise. but what good will it
do I shall not go home until school closes unles something
happens to call me home more than I know of now. I expect to


1844
Sept
3
repent coming here before the term is out but as it
is I must stay but if I do not like shall not be
obliged to come here again. I have now been here one
week tonight and for the most of the time have
been contented; there is a sing in the hall here in
the house and they make so much noise can not study.
5
Have received the letter that I expected dated Sept 1st
tonight and I feel much nore contented the letter
was written when I expected. Eli expressed himself in the
same tender manner concerning me as here heretofore he is verry
kind to me. O may nothing ever happen to mar our
happiness in our intercourse and Oh may it be lasting
6
Have had a feast eating mushmelon this evening Mrs
Perkins came and invited those who were here to come down
and partake there were only three of us the rest were gone
to hear a lecture on Chimistry at the Academy; We all
like Mrs Perkins verry much she is so pleasant we can
not help but love her. I am much more contented
now than was when first came here
8
O that I had one friend here in whom to confide to whom
I could tell my evry thought without reserve and
could talk of those I love. All are strangers here to me
there is no one here that I ever saw before I came here
I know no difference in them except their actions
but I can see much difference in this respect for the
time I have been here. I need the support and consolation
of the Gospel to support me here away from friends
from home and all I hold dear on earth, but I
came here not to be homesick or indulge in vain regrets


1844
Sept
8
but to learn and shall my object be destroyed in this way
no far be it from me. I came here not to be homesick
or to indulge in vain regrets that I have no earthly friends
here for I have a friend in all places who is kinder to
me than an earthly parent can be he is always near
and ready to help in the time of need for I always
need his support he is the only true friend I have on
him I am not affraid to call for my wants are anticipated
he knows all my thoughts this kind Friend is my Heavenly
Father if I put my trust in him I shall never want.
Have been to meeting to day but was so sleepy this afternoon
could not enjoy the meeting verry well. I should
like it verry much if Eli was here for a short time
this evening, but friends of this earth are far away
September 1844
11
Ten years ago today my youngest sister left her earthly
abode and went that journey from whence no traveler
returns she went to the spirit
land
to her God and my God:
can we wish her back here upon earth to be exposed to
all the trials and temptations that flesh is heir to?
Her company would have been sweet here below to us
but she is far happier than she would have been here;
She would have been an ornament to any society; at least
her brightness activity and mild disposition gave
fair promises for one so young: She was never heared to
murmur or complain during her sickness; when she saw
us weeping around her bed she would say do not cry so.
'She was too pure for earth' her spirit burst its fettering bonds
and soared to those pure ralms [realms] where sin and sorrow are unknown
to be the companion of the just made perfect forever.


1844
Sept
12
I am discouraged have had the poorest lesson to day that
have had since have been here. O that I was at home as had
something more interesting than Greek to study if it would do
any good to weep tears would freely flow: but am I any better
for being this discouraged? does it help me to get my lesson
any better? alas it does not it does me much hurt for if I
think I can not do any thing I surely shall not try verry
hard and thereby fail of doing anything. I will put my
trust in Him Who faileth not and all will I trust be
well: It is not always that I have to stay in this place so
I will let that comfort me. I will attend to the studies
Father wishes me to and strive to be obedient. - O Eli if you knew
my feelings tonight it would not add much to thy comfort.
Since I wrote the above I have received a letter from Eli it
has given me much consolation that one in this wide
world careth for me I hail this letter as a true friend
from whom I have been long separated and will press onward
in the path of duty set before me with new zeal.
14
How can I describe my feeling. O that I had a friend here on
whose bosom I could pour out my soul without reserve. But alas
that privilege is denied I find relief in tears in tears and
they come to my relief freely; and often they are to me like
ministering angels when my spirit is oppressed I welcome
them as sweet messengers for I know they speek to me of
better days yet to come when smiles instead of tears will reign
15
Sabbath evening: am rather low spirited this evening have
attempted to write but all is too mournful and have lain aside
my letter for a time when I feel better if there ever is such
atime [a time] I wish not to write when I feel as do now to any one.


1844
Sept
22
Have been to meeting to day: the minister is gone so we had
a sermon read by the Professor of the institute. O that I
could hear from home. What do they think not to write to
me; I have now been gone 4 weeks tomorrow morning and not
a word yet; this is realy too bad: They know that I am here
among strangers, and why do they not write to me? All the
answer I receive is the faint echo, why? They know that
never was from home that I did not see some one that
I know as often as once in a week before. What do they
think? at least I know what I think; I think it will be
no advantage to them in the end for I fear it will not
serve to bind me to them by any stronger ties than now
exist it shows that I am to fight my own way independ-
ent of them. Who would have thought a Mother would
have let her daughter be gone so long among strangers and
not write to her? I have wept until I have fallen asleep and
then awoke and wept and all this because they have not written
to me; but what good does it do me? does it make me more
contented? I know I feel better when my mind is oppressed to
have the tears flow freely: tears are as natural to me as sunshine
is to a summers day they are to me as a friend in the time of
trouble always ready at my call. Mrs Perkins asked me if I had
sisters? I felt ashamed to tell: her reply was why do they not write to
you. It is to me a mystery why they do not. - To thee O Eli I can
not be half thankful enough for having written to me thy letters
have been a solace to me in my lonesome hours they have been my
stay and support to them I go when lonesome they tell me that
one has not forgotten me if my Parents have


1844
Sept
25
Today in the afternoon am excused from studying and can amuse
myself as I please. Last evening received a paper from Eli he
has not forgotten me if others have he is a friend in the time
of trouble and for his kindness to me I shall ever be thankful
If I ever forget may my name be blotted out and my mind
become as a chaos never to be remembered more
27
Have this evening received a letter from home: they have not
forgotten me, their delay was necessary for they wished to
send some money to me which was sent as soon as convenient
and they wished me to use when necessary. The answer
to the question in my letter to them was as I anticipated.
it expressed the same kindnes to me as ever.
Oct
5
Saturday eve
Alone: yes alone; and where is Eli? alas I know not he is not here
as I expected: but I think the reason is that it rained
yesterday so he could not come. I knew not how much I
apprized his society until this disappointment. - O that he
would write immediately to me for it would be a great
comfort to me to know why he did not come and if he
is coming: But not my will but thine O Lord be done
I will put my trust in Thee and fear not but that all
will be for the best. O that I may be reconciled to the will
of God in all things: but his company in a lonesome
would be agreeable. What is sweeter than a friend in a
lonesome hour it is like sunshine to a rainy day. We all
know not how to prize friendship until we are deprived
of it by being cast among strangers then we see our
dependance on friends and how necessary to our existence
then we recall our happy communion and think, O how
blessed we were then, and why did we not appreciate it but our


1844
Oct
5
eyes are blinded we know not how to appreciate happiness until
we are surrounded by sorrow then we cry out our sorrow is
greater than we can bear; then if ever we feel our dependance
on God and call on Him for protection, when all earthly
comforts
fail:
he is neverfailing the same yesterday today and
forever without change His Name and nature is love and to
be like Him we must love all mankind, love is the
fulfilling of the law. Why then need we then fear God
as a wicked tyrant He is kinder to us than earthly
parents can be, for He is the Ruler of the Universe:
He is infinite in wisdom and knowledge: being 'too wise
to ere and too good to be cruel.'
5
Have this evening for the first time witnessed some of the
effects of messmerism the subject was Susan W
Sturtevant my roommate she was not sound asleep.
she consented only because there were some unbelievers
in messmerism present to convince them of their
error. Had an invitation to go to day to Mr B__ to
eat some apples and went accordingly we had a good
time considering the wind blew verry hard: We were
all verry thankful for the apples for we do not
get many here I miss the orchard at home for
we have a plently of apples such as they are generaly.
7
Have this evening received a paper with G G Hoax
on the wrapper and we all think it is a hoax
from one of the schollars for there is one of the
schollars who has sent papers so to the ladies
and we all know it is a hoax from some one he always
has written some name on the wrapper that the


1844
Oct
7
person knew to whom he sent the paper before but
now he knew no one with whom I am acquainted.
In return for his politeness I sent a paper to him
directed to G G Hoax in case of F. H. - he probably will
understand it when he receives it that his tricks are known
and some one had spunk to resent such work
9
Have not been verry well to day and have not been able
to attend school; it is the first time that I have been
absent from any duty this term. Have this evening
received a letter and paper from Eli and was verry
glad to receive it for felt verry sober before; they were
as drops of dew to a wilting plant and rejoiced me
much for they spoke to me in languag not to be
mistaken. He explained the reason why he did
not come here last saturday and his reasons were
good it is to oblige his Father that he remained
at home and I think he did right though I should
have been glad to have received a visit from him
11
What a beautiful day the sun shines with its greatest
splendor all nature seems to smile at its glorious
beams and praise its Author last evening was rainy
but this morning is pleasant: am now attending
lectures on mnemonics evenings they continue
three evenings hope shall learn much
13
Have attended meeting today in the morning finished
my letter to Eli I wrote to him the first oportunity after receiving
his letter I will never again neglect to answer a letter
from a friend for I know their feelings when daily
expecting a letter and being daily disappointed


20
Oct
20
1844
Have been to meeting today this afternoon there was a funeral
of an old Gentleman who was more than 80 he has been deprived
of reason for some time but he was allowed to wander where
he pleased in the street he was here at the boardinghouse the
first day I came here and often since many times when
we
have
met him he would ask are any of our folks here; but
he is gone to that happy rest to meet kindred and friends
where parting is unknown. Susan is gone to Enfield to visit
her friends and I hope she will have a pleasant visit
she is so near her home that she sees some of her friends
or receives a letter from home evry week she has no reason
to be homesick or discontented she has enough to satisfy evry want.
22
Have been this evening with Susan to see Miss Eastman Mr
Skinner and Riddle were there Susan displayed her wit
in true ladylike form; but notwithstanding this I enjoyed
myself verry well the gentlemen accompanied us home
and she displayed some resentment because the gentleman
she prefered did not offer her his arm to walk home: If this is
politeness I say deliver me from the like: when a gentleman
speeks to me plitely it is duty for me to answer decently and
have the actions lady like; many things this evening have appeared
strange to me though to others perhapse they are right, but display
to me is no ornament to me in this maner it is perfectly ridiculous
23
This afternoon we all went into the lower room to see the gentlemen
inhale ether; one said while under its influence, Who can bare the
pangs of unrequited love. Others bowed to the ladies some declaimed
all had something to say that was pleasing some showed anger
others mirth some wished to display talent others were modest
and retiring.


1844
Oct
Have this evening received a paper from Eli it seems
that he has not forgotten me or that I am occasionally in
his rememberance at least I have not forgotten him
25
Have received a letter from Cousin Emeline she wrote she
staid here in Lebanon over night since I have been here
O I should have been so glad to have seen her if it had
been only for a few minutes but it was not so to be
I was glad to receive her letter and to hear from home
though it was but a few words, to hear that they were well
Have attended meetings in the afternoon Mr Ingersol from
Burlington preached he is a unitarian preacher and very
celebrated. This evening went to walk with Augusta we had a
delightful walk Augusta is a good Lady I like
her much
it will be
hard to part with her perhaps never more to meet on
earth the more I see of her the better I like her she has
more accomplishment than many here who set themselves
above her she has more ladylike qualities
28
Have this evening received a letter from home was glad
to receive it and welcomed it with joy it was written
by Sister and Mother: it appears I yet have Parents
and Sisters but their letters are like angels visits
'few and far between' I still have a share in their
remembrance. Their letter bore some sad tidings one of
my Cousins is no more her sickness was short they did
not consider her dangerous until the day before she died.
She has left a husband to mourn her early loss. Is not
this a warning to one to be also ready, for the monster
death waits for no one when he calls all obey his summons
whether willing or not they have to bid adieu to all earthly


1844
Oct
28
things, and go to the unseen regions of the dead from
whence never to return to us here below there all
will sooner or later take up their abode there, 'the fact is
incontrovertible; it is foretold by revelations; it is inscribed
in the heavens; it is felt through the earth. Such is the
awful and dily [daily] text; what then ought to be the comment,'
if not to prepare for the great change; prepare for
eternity: should we not act differently if at all times
we should think we were acting for eternity with this
on our minds would not our actions become more
virtuous and we consequently wiser better
and
happier: what
do seek but happiness here below and in how many ways
often what we think will produce happiness causes
many a sigh. O vain and deceived mortal! to think
that thou canst live in happiness, indipendent of thy
Heavenly Father; put thy trust in Him and thou
needst never fear for His arm is omnipotent to save.
29
Today has been verry rainy. Summer is past and winter
is approaching slowly but steadily it warns us that time
flies fast and waits not. Mr Skinner called here to
exchange cards with the ladies here, he is doing to rturn
home and so came and bid us farewell. Some of the ladies
made a terrible fus about his leaving after he was gone
or pretended to but I think it was ridiculous.
The words prepare for examination have sounded in
our ears and now study and prepare yourselves I have
scarcely a minute to rest we have such hard lessons
that it takes me all of my time to get them
well and then sometimes they are not half prepared.


1844
Oct
30
6 oclock morning. Have been up some time but Susan is
sleeping soundly. I built my fire and set down to consider
the duties of the day: at 9 oclock to go to attend prayers;
and there stay until after reciting in Geography of the
heavens; and then come back to my room and study until
noon at 1 oclock back to the academy to attend to the
reading of compositions; O the reading of compositions
how I dread it, to read my silly thoughts before all
of the ladies I should not care if I could write
any thing that had some sense to it; but that would
be out of the question; but I shall not have to read
but one more after to day: but what shall I write
for the last one, I should like to have something fit
to read before the school for in two weeks from
to day this term closes; and then 'homeward bound'
will bee the cry, yes to part with the few friends we
have here and perhaps part forever or at least I
do not expect to see but a verry few if any again.
Evening 9 oclock have been to Lyceum staid to hear the
paper read and then went home with Augusta staid a
short time she came home with me. When Mr Perkins
came home to night he brought a letter to me from
E - I went with joy to my room but it was soon
checked for the first page cast a shadow over the rest
but I was glad to hear from him and took my pen
to answer it but I let my feelings overcome me and
so had to lay it aside for tonight he wrote he should
come after me when the term closes. O I shall be so
glad to have him come for I shall hate to go home in the
stage and then we shall have so pleasant a journey home.


1844
Nov
2
What a pleasant day so beautiful the sun has shone so
pleasant on such a beautiful day as this the mind would
soar from nature up to natures God and there pour
forth its adoration in the sight of him who created
all things and renew its vows to the Most High. -
I have a composition to write for next week and I
know not what to write or what subject to write
on: my muse does not work at present to supply
me with wherewith to clothe my thoughts or even with thoughts for
a composition but I must not complain. - Half past 10 evening:
am now in my room alone Susan is gone and has been all of the
evening but I have not been alone all of the time Perusia
has been here and staid a while Mrs Perkins called and staid
a short time so I have enjoyed myself very well; I have
written down 136 questions to prepare for examination
it has taken me almost as long as it would to have learned
the answers but I must not complain I have only one
week and three days
and half
to stay here I expect then to my
own dear native Vermont I shall go and there remain
for one while at least there to meet friends near and
dear - Shall I be happy then? or will it
happiness
elude my
grasp and flee at my approach? will sorrow reign triumphant
where I dwell? or will happiness have a share? am I always
to be encompassed about with trouble and is my habitation
always to be to be [sic] the habitation of mourning. I trust and
hope that I am to see happier days than the present
nevertheless not mine but Thy will be done O my Lord
and may I be reconciled to evry dispensation of
Providence and may no murmur escape my lips for


1844
Nov
2
Thou knowest what is best for me; I am blind to my own happiness
I prefer not what I ought many times, and O Lord will You
keep me from all temptation and place virtue uppermost in
my evry thought that I may come off conqueror and
even
more than
conqueror through Him Who has redeemed and saved us.
3
Sabbath evening. I had tried in vain to collect a few
scattered thoughts and Louis and I went out to walk
we had a pleasant time Louis said if I went out to
walk perhaps it would calm my mind and restore a few
ideas I never was so at a stand what to write for a composit
ion
before and never dreaded it so before it is because we
all fear that the compositions will be read the last
day of examination or at the examination
4
Have this evening been to Augusta's room when I came
home it rained but I was very glad I came notwithstand
ing
they urged me to stay for I received a letter from home
Mother wrote to me that I could take a school in
Marshfield in the district where Mr Hoskins lives
they were very anxious that I should take it; they wrote
to me that the school is small and easily governed;
that they would give me two dollars a week if I would go.
I did not know what to do for they wrote to me they
wanted me to write this evening to let them know
and so I had no time to considder I wrot that they might
do as they thought best for I did not know what to do
I was until after eleven this evening in writing the letter
I think my lesson will be poorly learned for tomorrow
but if my teachers knew
the reason
they would excuse me I think


1844
Nov
6th
There the last composition for this term is written after so much fus
and so many vain attempts and now I feel relieved I shall have to dread
it no longer and fret myself to find out what to write: there has
ben a great fus here among the ladies to know what to write, I have heared
many an 'O dear what shall I write' within a few days but it will
be all over now for today they
compositions
are handed to the teacher. It snows yes
winter is coming in all its dreariness to remind us of the change
of life from youth to old age. What recollections the appearance
of snow calls to mind of the last year when the earth in all
its beauty was suddenly robed in its fleecy mantle without giving
the farmer time to prepare for its approach; thus is the approach
of death sudden and unexpected, since last the earth was covered
with this massy covering many friends have been snatched from us
by the ruthless hand of death to be here with us no more forever.
Wednesday
What does this mean, J. B. H, has this evening received an
anonymous letter, and such obscene language therein, it
was too bad to relate: Poor Girl: it is too cruel to be used thus:
and then in the Index this evening such pieces, it is
a disgrace to the paper, and the contributors also. (Gunpowder)
Nov
6
Wednesday
(Grasshoppers grease, and Humblebee juice;) (Anxiety
snuf for those whose letters were unanswered.) and like
expressions, it was enough for to make decency blush
to think of. I wonder the Editor would read such
stuff, before any decent person; he could not and
keep his countenance smooth, he had to stop and laugh
I went this afternoon to Miss Eastmans, room and
staid until Lyceum, I had a good visit; after came
home set up until after 11 o'clock, writing billets for
the party which is to be Friday evening.


1844
Nov
7
We have all here at the boarding house been cleaning the
hall, for the party tomorrow evening: I am sorry they
have a party here for it will not be but misery to some
after the transactions of the past. I do not think I shall
enjoy myself very well
8
Friday morn. This morning after prayers the subject of
anonymous letters was brought up before the school, and
such excitement I never saw before on my occasion
not only by the gentlemen but by the ladies also;
Mr Cragin spoke first but he was so much excited
that he could not say half he wanted to, afterwards
Miss Young spoke and informed Mr C that the
suspission did not rest on him
and also gave to the gentlemen a letter received by one of the ladies last evening similar to
the one received by J B H
; there were several
other gentlemen who spoke all were of the same mind,
that is to have the offender base as he is brought to light
Mr S. H__ said he wished for him to have no greater
punishment than that of a guilty conscience and this
is enough I should think. I hope this affair will be of
no injury to the school but I fear it will; it ought
not to hurt only the guilty the suspission rests
on Mr L Lyman and they think they have evidence
to confirm the belief that it was he, Mr Cragin gave
him
if guilty
a very polite invitation not to attend the party
this evening he said he did not wish to have the
pleasure of the party spoiled by his presence for who
could enjoy themselves in the presence of such a person
one who will place himself on a level with the brute
creation and disgrace himself by such low mean acts
these letters are not the only disgraceful acts he has committed here


9
I have felt the effects of the party last evening, through
the day my eyes are so soar [sore] that I can hardly see; but
we had a verry good party and I enjoyed myself as
well if not better than I generaly do
at parties
all was mirth and
laughter, all seemed to be happy if any one could judge from
appearances. Mr L__ did not appear this evening, from this
we are to infer that he is guilty, although he denied the charge
of writing the letters but he showed guilt plain enough.
10
Sabbath afternoon: I have been to meeting to day probably for the last time
at this place; perhaps forever, this is the last sabbath that I shall see
before I shall be at home O home sweet home there is magic
power in that word, it is the place of rest to the weary soul,
to the weary of this earth 'there is no place like home'. At home
there are dear Parents and a sister; here there are only those that
I have known for a few short weeks but they are near to me for
so short acquaintance, the remembrance of them will be treasured
up, and remembered as a green spot in this dreary portion
of my life, but from them I must sever, the ties that
binds me to them must be loosed to strengthen others which
first bound me to kindred spirits, they have a higher claim
to my affections and there will I fly on the wings of love
to bask in the light of their smiles to rejoice in their prosperity
and console in adversity: I wish to live only for the good of my
fellow mortals, and have my life free from vain desires
and groveling pursuit, and keep in wisdoms ways whose ways are
pleasantness and all her paths are peace. - 9 o'clock evening
Miss Moulton has been here this evening she staid most of the
evening we went into Miss Nichols' and Parker's room and
had an excelent visit. I enjoy myself much when in


1844
Nov
company with Augusta she is so sociable I feel at home
in her presence and can converse freely I like her as well
as any one that I know in this place
11
My courage is all gone and there is no one here to encourage
me
in the least
it is my Greek Lesson that troubles me I think it is realy too
bad for our class to be examined with the short preparation
we have had for we
have
only recited one review lesson as preparation
for the examination and that was to day and we did not
have time to read all of our lesson neither I am so discouraged
that I could not study if there was nothing else to prevent
for I know that I can not get my lesson so I can appear
decently and thus thinking I shall not probably try
verry hard certainly not study to hurt myself.
12
Noon: there my composition is read my lessons in Geography
of the heavens and Grammar are over and now I have
nothing more unless it is Greek: When I read my conmposition
this morning I was so excited I could hardly stand my
voice trembled and I shook all over like a leaf blown by the
wind; but it is over now and it did not hurt me I hope if I
ever am called upon to read in public again I can command
myself better I did not make a failure but it was not much
better Mr Hoskins said he expected that I should be
obliged to stop and give it up before I had read all of it
my recitation in Geography of the Heavens was prepared
better than I expected. Augusta came here this afternoon
to take her leave of us she is to start this evening for home
- Eli has come how glad I am: glad to see him
and glad to go home I do not know what to do or
how to act we shall start and go as far as Hanover tonight


1844
Nov
14
At home: I arrived at home this evening about dark
they were all glad to see me. - I had a verry pleasant
journey home notwithstanding the bad state of the roads which
are verry muddy I never enjoyed myself better in so unpleasant
a time, when there was so much to prevent but all things
are ordered for the best I hope. I regretted exceedingly to
part with some of the ladies at Lebanon they seemed
verry near to me for they have been kind always
and long shall they be remembered with gratitude
15
Today Eli left us he staid over night and went with us
to Br Warrens this morning; they all appeared glad to see me;
he staid until after dinner, and then took his leave;
I regretted the necesity of his leaving so soon but could
not conscientiously urge him to stay after he had spent so
much time to accompany me home; for all his kindness to
me I feel verry grateful and hope it will be in my power
to return the favor: O may I never be ungrateful for his kind
ness
to me may I long rememember [remember] his kind and numerous atten
-tions with gratitude, knowing they proceeded from a generous
heart; that he loves me yea almost adores me I have
not the least doubt, I fear his love for me is better
than I deserve: I fear he is forming too high an opinion
of me he is placing me among the perfect in imagination
his picture is too exalted; for blind as human nature
is I know I have many verry many faults and I
expect not that others are without their failings, for perfection
is not here below; and he who expects it will be sadly
disappointed I know I have many things yet to learn
before I could appear in company so that I should


1844
Nov
not cause a husband to blush at my blunders; for many
times the crimson has appeared on my cheek the effects
of ignorance when in companying passions controll
me yet they exercise too unlimited sway over my mind, all is
not as it should be, no far from it, : to enter upon the duties of
maried life I must not expect all will be one calm and unclouded
day, with nought to disturb the peace; or that I can do at all
times as I wish without consulting the wishes of others, this is
more than woman ought to expect for they have many sacrifices to
make to promote the peace of their family woman's life is one
continued scene of self sacrifices where happiness dwells; there
is her beauty there her strength: what love would a husband
bear his wife if she went on regardless of his wants or happiness
striving alone to please herself or gratify her own ambition?
little I fear; his love would be cold towards the wife of his
choice; man's happiness depends on the selection of a
companion it is the place where the most discretion
should be used he selects a companion not for a
few days or years but for the whole of his life to
bare with his infirmities overlook his faults:
; at mariage his fate is fixed either for happiness or
misery there is no escape; therefore watch and pray.
23
Have been to Montpelier today to purchase some things
in preparation fore the commencement of my school
O how I dread that school it seems to me that I
can not hardly stand it I expect to be homesick and
discontented in the beginning I do not feel as though
I wanted to teach school this winter and especily in
Marshfield but it is my parents wishes so I will not complain


1844
Nov
24
9 o'clock evening: Have been to meeting today saw many of my
old friends and enjoyed myself verry well. Uncle
Toby and his wife cane [came] here and staid until after
supper we had a good visit. It is very windy this eve
there has been an eclipse on the moon this evening: total
and visible at this place but it was so cloudy we could
not enjoy the scene which has been a rare occurrance
for several years
Dec
1
4 o'clock PM. Our company is gone; we have had
company since yesterday noon Eemeline and her mother
came here and staid the afternoon when they returned
home I went with them with the intention of spending
the evening at Uncle Tobys where we had been but a
short time when Franklin came after me saing we
had company at home, E__ came with me we found Cousin
Charles, Hiram and Laura and also Miss B__ we had a good visit
H__ and L__ staid until this afternoon as they came
with a wagon and it snowed last night they will not
have a very pleasant journey home. Father
has gone to
carry Emeline home and get my cloak and boa which
I left at Uncle Aaron's when I went to Uncle Toby's
When I think of the past it seemes to me I have not done
right that I have not acted the part of a lady that had I
done diferently my conscience would have upheld me
always I blunder on regardless of the consequence and misery
follows: my life has to me no charm; death to me at many times
would be a welcome visitor, there is nought on earth for me
worth living for, the past and the future is dreary I am restless
discontented there is an aching void within which nought can


1844
Dec
satisfy there is that longing for that unattainible something
which will at all times be a shield and support happiness is
my aim I have sought it in various way and it has eluded
my grasp I have sought it in the giddy dance but it was
not there I have sought it in the path which youth call
pleasure and it was not there all is 'vanity and vexation
of spirit:' is this right? are these the right sentiments?
alas no: far from it; I look on the dark side of the picture
where all is desolate and gloomy; I look not on the right
side I am too sensitive for my own happiness
5
Thanksgivingday: yes the glorious day hath arrived and
thanks to the All Wise Creator of the Universe for
protection health friends and the many blessings bestow
-ed upon us at this time. - E__ came here last eveni
-ng and we are happy but he can not stay always
7
E__ is gone: we went yesterday to Montpelier and he
intended to have returned home but it rained so
he could not and it has rained all this morning
but he is gone, yes gone to leave me in sadness
with nought to cheer the lonesome hour
but I will hope for the future that all will yet be
well that happiness will be my lot
9
12 o clock: Marshfield Vt. Here then I am from home
among strangers with no face near to heer [here] that I can greet
as an old friend there is all of 8 schollars today rather
a small school I think not enough to be busy all
of the time. I came here to this place last evening
staid at Mr H__ Smith's it was very bad being out
last evening the wind blew very bad and the snow


flew some we arrived at our destination about six in the eve
ning was disappointed in the ride here, the conversation took a diferent
1844
Dec
9
turn from what I expected: happily disappointed - eve - the title
Chit is too much, more than I can bare with patience, it causes
no pleasant feelings: I know not why unles to see what effect
it would produce I could not help smiling at first it
was so unexpected but they did not see my face for
it was from them: I should like to see some one to
have a train after this
10
noon The schollars are merry and I almost wish to
participate in their sports at least it adds to my
happiness to see them so happy to all appearance
may they ever be thus united in friendship and
no root of bitterness spring up in their midst:
eve: Mr Smith and his Wife went away this evening
and left me here with William and a Mr Pike
I did not think much of this but could not help
it I learned concerning Miss L. L. what I did not
mistrust before I did not think that of her but
still it may not be true that she is so coquettish
at least I wish it is not so: I know not but there
was design in their going away this evening but if there
was it was without effect
I can see here what parents can learn their children
and oblige them to do: to see children 4 or 5 years of
age kneel at the time of prayers and say amen at the
close I do not wonder that so much bigotry error and
superstition prevail in the world that they are handed
down from parent to son and will so continue


1844
13
Dec
4 oclock PM Tonight chang of boardingplace I have just
become acquainted at Mr Smiths and now I leave and
thus it will be all winter: but I must not compl
-ain for it was the wish of my parents for me to
come here I will try to be patient and meek thinking
that I shall not stay always here
14
12 o clock E__ came here this forenoon and presented
me with a new trunk when I opend it I found
it contained a letter a few sheets of paper and a
rule: the letter was written out of pure love to me
it breathed forth the same spirit as its pedecessors
he said he did not know as the trunk would
be acceptable but he thought the letter would,
and it was it was read before I ate my dinner
and with pleasure I was requested to burn it as soon
I read it; but I forebore it would seem too much
like sacrilege I shall keep it as a memento of these
desolate days and the bright hopes which it
has inspired; but I must not be elated by the
bright appearances of the present that I prepare
not for the future as think that all will
be unclouded bliss no life is divrcified [diversified] with
clouds and sunshine happiness and misery
are the lot of all at
some
times happiness and
at other misery prevails; we are apt to count
the dark spots rather than bright spots of
happiness which diversify our lives how
much more happiness we should see if we did not
always look on the dark side of our life


1844
Dec
15
evening: Have been home to day; E__ came after me in the
morning as soon as I had eaten my breakfast arrived
at home about noon there found a letter from
Cousin Irena papers from Mariah, Mrs M.P.P.
Mrs S, P__ R C W__ J B H__ E L P__ S M H__ 
was glad to hear from them all and especialy
from the school at Lebanon which is very small
this term, rather small I think for 9 teachers
17
eve
Change of boarding place; but I think I have changed for
better I like the appearance of the people
very much they are very sociable and aggreable.
O! happiness I thank thee that thou hast
made thy abode with me even if it be only for
a short time, O will thou continue thus in
my presence to bless me for thou wilt always
be a welcome visitor - Thus far since I have
been in this place I have been much happier
than I expected I have had the approval
of my conscience that I have obeyed the wishes
of my parents at the sacrifice of my own feeling
21
E__ called here this afternoon he is almost sick
and I told him to go home and take care of
himself if he wished to please me for he
had been taking an emetic and I feared he would
take cold and be sick: he swapped watches with me the
one I had did not keep good time but he says
the one I now have will: we have been calculating
to go to St Johnsburry next week but he thinks it
is not best to go then as we shall not have as good a visit


there then as at some other time for there will
be too many there at the time to visit with any one
1844
Dec
23
This evening looks dismal it rains hard the prospect
of my going home to morrow is dark indeed for at this
rate there can be no sleighing by morning, but I
will not complain for all will be for the best
24
The prospect this morning is more favorable it froze and
snowed some last night so there is some prospect of
my going home this afternoon. Afternoon: at home here
at last started about noon and arrived at home at 2 1/2
o'clock found S.M.B.__ there he did not seem
to enjoy himself first rate in my presence and
I do not wonder that I brought to mind the
past and if he is sensitive the present is enough
for reward
25
Last night went to meeting in celebration of the
Advent of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and
grand indeed was the celebration the sermon was
one of the best productions of the writer and
it was an excelent sermon the house was
beautifully trimmed with evergreen and
well lighted; it has cost the young people
here much labor and time to adorn the house
and well might they spend their time in celebrating
the birth of the Savior of mankind well do they
spend their time in rendering glory and honor to
the Being Who gave them birth and preserves them
from harm and bestows on them evry needed
blessing and supports them in evry trying hour.


1844
Dec
29
How lonesome: I staid from meeting today because
E__ said he should be here at 9 o clock in the
morning to go to Woodbury or somewhere else
to day but it is so bad sleighing it is impossible
to go any where in safety there is so much ice
in the road. I am sorry but can not help it.
'What shall I do with all the days and hours
That must be counted ere I see thy face?
How shall I charm the interval that lowers
Between this time and that sweet time of grace?'
I have spent most of the time in reading and passed
most of the time agreeable as possible notwithstanding
existing circumstances and all hard jokes, I
know not but E__ is sick but hope not
1845
Jan
1
noon
12 1/2 o'clock
New year's day: what sensation that word creates
what recollections it calls to mind of the
past; and what bright hopes it inspires of
the future: the past: where was I one year ago
to-day and how did I spend, last year the first
hours of the new year far diferently from what
they have been spent this year, but I think
the present year has dawned upon me more
favorably than the past did that thus far I
have been happier for the first half day of the
year than I was last year then there was that
to reflect upon which I wished had not happened


1845
Jan
1
and yet it was that which I could not help: but
enough of this; for the past ir [is] irrecoverably past;
'tis mine only to take care of the future.
It would be pleasant to be in the company of
friends near and dear and hear the welcom
sound greet my ear, Happy New Year I
wish to thee; but alas I am far from
home among strangers and when 'the kiss of
love goes around alas there is no kiss for me'
I have been in hopes to see one I love but
I fear I shall be disappointed but all will
be for the best I hope at least I trust it
will.. - Has the past year been spent as I shall
wish it had been, when age throws its mantle
over my brow, when death has lain its withering
hand upon my wasted form and all earthly hopes
have perished? alas! I fear not: but I hope the
past will warn me to prepare for the future
and be more careful, of the lapse of time, 
one of the greatest of blessing to man, for
time is more precious than gold or all
the wealth this earth can bestow: be
more careful of my health and try to preserve
that comfort to man, which we know not how
to prize until we are deprived of it bu [by] the 
ruthless hand of disease then we see where we
have transgressed the physical law and see
the justness of the punishment but it
is too late the die is cast


1845
Jan
2
Eli came here this forenoon and left a letter
for me he wrote he would carry me home
Saturday. I thought he would be here before
the week was out and I have not been
disappointed this time and I hope shall not
be disappointed saturday in going home
4
How the wind blows: alas! I fear I shall be obliged
to stay in Marshfield over another Sunday
4 oclock: - he is come and I shall not have to stay
here I shall go home to night and see my Mother.
5
Have been too meeting to day Br Frost preached
and this evening we all went to Mr Morse's and 
since I came home I have learned strange things
7
The party is over and I am glad; glad for my own
sake: for the marked attention, and the invitation
in the evening, makes me rejoice that it is over
for it foretells that my happiness in this
place is at an end; there has been much maneuvering
and now I reap the harvests; and some sly hints
foretell what I wish not to see, but I am
thankful that I had an excuse for next Sunday
the object for this I know not but the appear-
ance is to try to rival; the march in the last
part of the evening was more than I could
stand under and
the
some evening when you board
at Mr Smith's' brought a cloud to my brow which
has lasted until to day I should think no, twice
is enough for one to heare, to satisfy them
that they were not wanted or to satisfy that their


1845
Jan
7
room is better than their company or they could
take a hint without towe kicks to accompany it
- Three nights at a time are too much
for [o]ne to be out late: there is poison
in this cup that I drink, for now I have the
feelings attendant on a night of revalry for
I have been faint all day and took such
a cold that now I am very hoarse so much
for comfort. I have been homesick more
today than any day since school commenced
I wonder that I went to the party at all
if I had only had my wits about me when
I had the invitation I should not have gone
certainly for if they thought Eli was not nice
enough for their party I am sure I am not.
8
Another change of boardingplace, back to Mr Smith's
again, to board again one week; but I can not
imagine I shall be very happy here, for they
seem to feel terrible somehow, I know not
how, towards me and it is made manifest
sometimes by hints, which I can not fail
to understand, the 'I heard that Wm. was keeping
company with one Mandana White.' and other of 
the same cast, are too much for my happiness
to be haunted in this shape; and to night the 'John
Pike said you could not be cross and he extoled
you highly, and now I ought to have a complim-
ent for that is considerable I think for so
short acquaintance of two evenings


1845
Jan
11
I am almost sick tonight but never mind it is
Saturday night and I hope Eli will call for one on
his way home for that will half cure me compared
to staying at Mr Smith's over Sunday: yes he comes
glad am I he has come before I expected I did
not think he would come until evening
13
I arrived at the old shool house ten minutes
past 9 oclock this morning. Saturday evening
went with E__ to his father's and staid in Cabot
until this morning last evening called at
Mr Kent's and was much pleased with the
reception there and delighted with Sarah and
her singing to amuse me and their excelent
apples. I on the whole have had an excelent
time since I have been gone they have tried
to please me as much as possible and to
cure my cold which is very bad at present
14
Last
night
Wm came and wished that Miss Emily and
I would go to his father's and spend the evening
for a lady of my acquaintance was there on a
visit but I did not see fit to go I did
not think it would be right nor did I
wish to go after what has been said and
I wish to have more respect for Eli than
to go in company with him at the present
even if I had been well or able to go I
know he does not wish me to go and why not
obey his wish rather than that of others.


1845
Jan
15
3 oclock PM. - this is my birth day and I am
now 19 years old 19 years have passed over
my head never more to return. I am here in
this old schoolhouse with but 6 scholars
this afternoon which gives me time to comp-
-are the present with the past, to look back
one year and compare my situation then with the
present last year I was sick and obliged to
leave my school for a week now I am almost
sick with the effects of a cold which I took
attending a party on the evening of the 6th inst
I am thankful that I have not been obliged
to leave and go home but I have felt bad enough
to, sometimes but I am better now almost well
compared with what I was a few days ago. I wish
that I could go home or be with my friends
but that is not possible for I change my board
-ing place again to night and go among strangers 
for to stay the rest of the week.
16
How it snows: there is but 3 scholars here to
commence school with this morning I hope
there will be more through the day if there
is not I shall be lonesome.- I went to Mr Wheeler's
last night and liked the people very much they
are so sociable that I could not be lonesome
and there they hold religion in veneration there
evening and morning they called upon God for 
help and protection and testified their gratitude
to Him for the many blessings daily bestowed on


1845
Jan
16
them and ask to have those blessings contin-
-ued - How pleasant to see the father of a
family evening and morning lift this
voice in praise and thanksgiving to the
all wise Creator of the Universe there
to exert his influence in favor of truth
and religion there to set the example of
piety for his children to follow: How few
attend to religious devotion daily in their
family how many parents never pray before
their children neve set the example of
early piety for them to follow I should
like the universalists for better if they attended
to divine worship if they paid more respect
to piety. To see the professed Preachers of
the gospel pass day after day and finaly
a whole week at a time and not even
call on their Heavenly Father for a
single blessing in their family it
does not seem right to me
17
This morning Mrs Wheeler brought up the
subject of my present connection and she
gave me much good advice the best advice
I ever received from mortal she advised
me to know my own heart and then decide
accordingly to let not the idea of worldly gain
influence me in the least but as I thought
I should be the happiest so decide not to
trust to my fancy but to let judgment rule


and the old lady's benediction at parting
and she wished ne [me] to not let my fancy rule.
Mrs W advised me to obtain the help of some
confidential friend and to establish my
mind immediately for if I did not and
delayed to give the negative answer and
should at some future time make up my
mind so
to do,
it would injure both of us very
much. - No Eli I will not forsake thee until
something more than that now brought against
thee that is true is presented in the shape
of faults I expect no one to be perfect
while here below perfection is not for mortals
and he who has pictured to himself to dwell with perfec-
tion will surely be disappointed there is no mistake
my life is short at most but I will not make
gain to principal object in evry undertaking
riches take to themselves wings and fly and if that is
my object to amass riches and dwell where love doth
not abound and they flee what would then be for my
comfort? would affection then spring up at that
late hour would not repentance follow for
my folly if I marry for wealth I should
consider that I let my fancy run away with my
judgement my father has told me never marry
a man on account of his property but to look
to the disposition to the character there to
put my reliance for wealth produces no
happiness where evile passions are concerned.


1845
18
Jan
4 oclock PM Alas Eli will not come I fear it blows hard
and the snow flies it is dreary and I fear I
shall be obliged to stay at Mr Smith's over
sunday, but no I shall not Eli is come he
has braved the storm and come for me he
has done this to please me and how shall I
repay him for all his kindness to me what
has he not done for me what has he not
sacrificed for my sake
19
Am at home once more. I arrived at home
this afternoon it was so bad going last eve-
ning that we did not get home we staid
at Mr Dwinells over night and started this
morning and arrived at home a little after
noon some of the way we found it good
sleighing considering the late wind. I did
not get here in time to go to meeting
and found them all gone but Grandmother
24
Today is Emeline's birth day and I have expected
to see her but now it snows and by what has
been said I expect to see her to-morrow if it
is pleasant but if it is not I shall not see
this year again on her birth day
25
Excitement how easily I am excited even at
nothing and all of a flutter my hands
tremble like a leaf O that I were alo[ne]
far from the noise of the schoolroom that I 
might pour out the feelings which are
pent up within my mind that I could


25
Jan
1845
find relief in tears that calmness would come
to my mind the cause is small to produce
this this letter that I have received has
supprised me to be addressed in this manner
by Tom was rather unexpected after I had
refused to ride with him even a half
mile and then the sugar heart and the poetry
that accompaning it was rather singular considering
all things but I shall answer it so there will
be no mistake this time in respect to answer
Jan
31
The last day of my school glad am I and
I can rejoice and call on others to rejoice with
me that now I am at liberty that I can now
go home and not be obliged to start back
early in the morning in the cold
Tonight am going to an Oyster supper
and hope shall enjoy myself better than
I did last monday evening at a party at
Mr Blisses and I trust I shall I hope there
will not be the same company as there
Feb
1
Noon Am at home once more I attended the
supper last evening and enjoyed myself
much better than expected it was so cold
last evening that we did not come home
5
Alas it storms and we shall be obliged to
stay at home I expected that Eli would
come here and we start on a visit this
morning but it is ordered otherwise and I
must not complain -


1845
Feb
6
Evening: Eli has come and tomorrow we shall
start on our visit if nothing heppens to prevent
we are going to visit his friends at the north
though they are strangers to me I hail them as
friends for they are his and they will seem
near to me on his account
14
Am at home once more came here this evening
have been gone a week: the first night staid
at Eli's fathers the next two staid at Br Tabors
we spent the sabbath there and had a first rate
visit Monday went to Wheelock to Charles Mather
son's
staid there two nights went also to Mr Eastman's
Mr Eatons and then on our way home called at
Br Tabors again we had good visits at evry place
especialy at Mr Mathersons; when there went into
the factory at that place: we on the whole had a
jolly time while there Mrs M


Calais Feb the 16th 1844
Respected friend we are now here in your
Chamber enjoying all the blessings of life.
and are blessed with health and friends
but how long we can say this, or how long this
wil be the case with us we know not
Febuary the 8 1846
we have now been married almost
one year and have lived in our farthers
house they seem to be very kind to us
they well knew our condition they knew
we was poor and destitute of a home and
they said to us Children come home
to your farthers house where there is bread
enough and to spare we heeded the request
and came home to our farthers house and
we have found there was bread enough
and it was free and indeed it has proved
a farthers house to me. I am as welcom
here to all apearense as ever I was to my
own farthers house, how long it will
be so I cannot tell but I trust as long
as I do my duty they will be the same
unchangeing Parents, and I hope 
that I shall so conduct myself as
to be a blessing to them, and also
a kind husband to the one that they
gave me for my wife and I promised to love and Cherish


1845
Feb
18
Weary and exhausted I returned from school
tired of evry thing that would once please me
my mind would fain languish itself to a void
[illegible] my spirits are at the lowest ebb I would
gladly fly away and be at rest where the weary
wicked
ceace from trouble and the weary are at rest
why should I fear to die in
death
is the gate to endless
life; it is the only separation between the trials
of this world and the joys of the next. I
rejoice that this world is not my home that
I have a home in Heaven where joy dwelleth
forever more, there to meet the loved and
lost of this earth and to part no more forever
if I walk in virtue's path here on earth it will
be well with me here it will be well with me
hereafter. If I step from virtues path I hope
to be set back and have my feet guided in the
strait and narrow path
23
5 1/2
oclock
PM
Eli is gone: yes. he has left us and I shall
not see him again for two long weeks. I think
that we have never parted under similar
circumstances or with similar feelings before
and when I enquire the cause I srink [shrink] from
the answer my own conscience would give for
I know I am the principal cause for I know
I have done wrong that Eli feels bad for it
I can not doubt: He did not upbraid me but
his manner plainly told me that it grieved
him to see me do thus I have tried to please


1845
Feb
23
him; until now in an unguarded hour I have
offended and strayed from the strait and narrow
path; until now I have strived to have his
evry wish gratified to please him if it laid
in my power but alas! now is the spell
broken but I think in all of this the blame
rests on me that I have cause to complain
of no one but myself I was the first to
transgress and now will I mourn in silence
no complaint shall pass my lips I will strive
by my future actions to atone for the past
1845
March.
2
There is meeting to day; I went in the forenoon
but came home at noon as I did not feel
very well and here I am alone in my room
no one else but Grandmother in the house: We have
had company several days past Cousin Laura
came here Thursday and has been here since.
It seems rather lonely here now for I have
seen Eli evry Sunday before for some time
but this day will pass without my beholding
him it is even so and I must content
myself. - We have our reward when we do right:
if I do wrong my conscience condems me and
I feel that I am out of the strait and narrow
path that leads to true happiness then would
in vain strive to flee from busy conscience and
its workings but all to no use and well for
me that I have a conscience to upbraid me
when I have done wrong to make me mend my
ways and turn to the path of duty.


1845
March
I see where the deficiency lies and until I can supply
this with moral courage any happiness will be
fleeting as the wind: when I have formed a good
resolution I have not firmness to carry it into
practice and und unless I reform in practice I
am a ruined child I see it plainly if I
persevere I may come off conqueror; yes:
even more than conqueror for my reward
will be double and peace and happiness will smile
upon me their approval; thus may it ever be.
9
Have spent the day at home Eli came here friday
with his father and Mother he has staid until this
evening we had a good visit with his father and
mother considering we had other company
13
Happy child I at this time happier than
I have been for a long time the Lord hath
delivered me out of my afflictions and
now will I rejoice and give the praise to Him
Why should I not rejoice and give thanks
to the Lord? for he is my stay and support
in Him I live more and have my being.
I should never know when I was happy if I
did not see trouble and I am thankful for
these light afflictions for they bind me more
closely to my God they draw me near to His
presence and leed me to see my own dependance
that of myself I can do nothing


1845
March
30
Eli is here today; he came here last night
to stay over Sunday with us. he went to M on
business yesterday I expected him here friday
but it was not convenient for him to come.
He has to day received the consent of my father
that we may one day be united by stronger
ties than now exist between us never to be
severed until death
April
6
Pour out the grief O child of sorrow! for thy
trouble is now doubled thy lot has thus far
been one of tears and woe thou needst not
look for better times for if thou dost thou
wilt have no for thy pains; thou lookest for
it
happiness
and thinkest that it is now almost
within thy grasp; that a few more days will
accomplish thy wishes and thy happiness will
be complete; but alas when thou thinkest
least of it thou art thrown back upon
thy disappointed hopes and thou left to
brood over thy blasted expectations; thus
has it ever been and thus it is now: fate
is against thee, and thou will drag out
a miserable existence where peace and plenty
appear to dwell. Few indeed have been thy days
of happiness thy sensitive mind bairs [bears] up illy
against the trials of this
life
: this morning thou arose early
with the feathered songster thou would gladly
have tuneg [tuned] thy lay for happiness but now at near
sunset thou art in tears thy glee is turned to
sorrow


1845
Apr
13
6, o-clock P M. Eli is gone; he has staid with me
since last night
he wishes me to set the day that we will be maried
and he wishes it to be within a few days or weeks
at least: what to do I know not I know not
what is for the best but he is verry anxious
and if I thought it best I would by all means
do it I wish to do as he wishes me if it is in
my power and it is right: The children have
annoyed me some this afternoon by their play Elvira
brought Elsey here to stay to-day while she went
to M__ to meeting: Father and Orrilla have gone
to meeting at Montpelier. We have had all
the new sugar we wanted to eat to day.
19
11, o'clock at night: here I am at this late hour
seated in the closet beside a trunk: I have been
abed but not being inclined to sleep I arose and
went into another room and found a candle
and came back and put it with a match and
now I am here alone as Orrilla sleeps with
Grandmother to-night. My mind wanders it is not
here it is in another place from this room and though
I am tired I can not
find
rest in sleep. I have been very
busily engaged the past week in spinning tow
and we finished to-day time enough to clean
the room where we worked. Eli came just
before dark to spend the sabbath here he came
up to my room this evenig and staid until
near bed time was glad to see him and once
more to give him the harty welcome


1845
Apr
20
This evening Eli has set for the time for us to be
maried if nothing happens to prevent: then my
fate will be fixed: then I shall enter upon new
scenes; and new duties will devolve upon me my
life will be cast in different places from
what it has been and I shall have new trials
and temptations to overcome; my conduct will
be watched by the 'eagle-eyed critic' my faults
exagerated where now they are sheltered by paternal
paternal
love and influence: and ere long my home will
be in the midst of those who are now strangers,
but I pray I may have strength and courage and
fortitude, all combined that I may discharge
every duty that devolves upon me: that no
temptation may be strong enough to cause me
to step from the path of duty in which I ought
to walk: the trials will be great but O may
I come off conqueror always having virtue
and religion for my guide; may I be willing
and ready to make any sacrifices that my situation
may require; if I do wrong acknowledge my
faults and refer not to the faults of
others; but bare my lot with christian
patience however dificult without one
complaint or murmur; keep my tounge [tongue]
from slander and my lips from speaking
guile: and finaly do right in all things as
nearly as lieth in my power in all cases
whatsoever


1845
April
21
The wedding is past, and I have given myself away for
life I have vowed to loved and serve my husband for life.
last evening between 7 & 8 o'clock the everlasting knot
was tied: I had no display at the ceremony I invited no
company but those who belonged to the family. Br
Warren preformed the ceremony he brought his
family with him so that my sisters were both here


1845
May
1
3 o'clock P.M. I sit down weary to detail the past
of this day in the morning we arose early and
went about 6 o'clock to Dea. Blisses where we
met a large company who were there assembled
for a May walk (though we did not know
as any one was to be there) but it rained
all the morning so they were obliged to
stay in the house but at last they all
started went to the woods to find flowers
and then went to the meetinghouse common
and from thence to A. Kent's where
they gave us some cake and pie to eat
and then we returned home
3
Sad and alone I sit in my room waiting the decline of the
day in anxious expectation of the arrival of my husband
the time for his arrival which I fixed in my mind is
past and he has not come but I do not despair I trust
he will come if it is in his power to spend the
sabbath with me -- Ah! yes he comes and I will
hasten to greet him and receive his fond salutation.
5
Today have been washing but we have finished in
good season it has been a long forenoon to me
and I fear the week will seem an age to me the stories
I have heared reported have sank my spirits to the
lowest ebb: O that my husband were here to comfort and
console me in this time of need now that I had the
where to lay my troubled head to find comfort
and support


1845
May
11th
7 o clock PM. I have just returned from the east part
of the town where I have been to meeting it
has been verry warm and my head aches so that
I feel rather uncomfortable. After meeting we
called on Mr Albert Dwinell and his new bride
and they came part way home with us
15
Have been to Mr Marshes to carry my bonnet to have
it whitened started early in the morning and
called at Mr Woods a short time and went
to see aunt Delia and staid a few hours and
came home at near night it snowed all of the
way and I had a hard time of it and got my
clothes drabbled verry much
25
Have attended meeting to day Br Ballou preached
several called here to take supper to night.
We have during the past week received a letter
from Uncle Wm. A Tucker whom we have not
heard from for several years. Eli started for
Cabot to night insted of staying until morning
as he has done before but it is for the best I suppose.
Wednesday afternnon. have been reading the letters Eli has
written to me I was too tired to work; and to read these
letters, and live over again the happy hours I have spent
with him was a welcome pastime after the weary
toil of the forepart of the day, it seemed as though
he was again here with me with his ever welcome
smile to gladden my weary spirits: I look around
but his well loved form no where meets my sight
he is far hence perhaps weary and sick with no friend


1845
May
28
to cheer no kind voice to soothe or friendly hand
to bathe his aching brow: O; that I could fly as on
the wings of a dove and comfort and console him
when sick; sick at heart
29
J C M__ has returned to Vermont Father saw him
pass by to-day and spoke with him he said he had a
new set of teeth which altered his looks much.
I wonder if he will call here to see me; he has not
been in town for 4 years before
June
1
J C M__ called here this forenoon to see us
he did not stay long he came with cousin
Charles. Mr Dwinell and his sister are here
to day he came last evening and went
to Br Warren's with us and his sister
came to day from Dea. Blisses.
1 o'clock PM am going to start for Cabot
on a visit of two weeks hope shall have
a good time visiting Eli's friends
7
Have been to visit at Mr R. Lance's had
a good visit Eli came after us I went
with Sister Sarah Ann.
8
Have been to meeting today to hear Br Burn-
-am preach he did not have over 20 hearers
in the forenoon
9
Mrs Lance came to see us this afternoon
she made me promise to visit her before I
leave Cabot and I intend to visit Mrs
Walace tomorrow and Thursday Mrs Lance
without fail


1845
June
12th
I arrived at home from Mr Lance's at about
sundown we walked there but Ira came after
us and when I got home I was tired enough
and my head ached some
13
Eli has sent for me to come to Blisses to night
that he can carry me home tomorrow Mother
says she does not see what he wants of me
there and she shall go and carry me and if
I can come back fetch me back but I know
he will not let me go back for he said he meant
I should stay there one week and they have kept
me here thus far. I never enjoyed myself
better in my life than since have been here
21
7 o'clock PM Eli has come and Sarah Ann has
come with him to stay a few days with us and
I anticipate great pleasure while she is here.
24
Miss F.H.C. and Miss C.B. called here to see
Sarah Ann and Ortensa come from school to
stay over night with us Orrilla has been
home evry night this week; Alfred came to-day
after Sarah Ann but they will not return until
tomorrow
25
Today they are raising the mill which father is
having built over this summer. Alfred caried
Sarah and me over to Orrillas school and she came
home with us; A__ and S__ have returned home this
evening I was in hopes that they would stay
another nigh but they could not be persuaded to,
Eli came just before they started and went to the
raising.


1845
June
26
This morning Eli went to Cabot with Br. Warren.
Uncle Sidney came here about noon and staid
some time in the room where I was weaving
and he is going to stay and help them finish raise
for they did not raise the roof yesterday: Cousin
Charles came out to Br Warren's and brought his
Mother he came down here to dinner and after
dinner he went after his team and carried
Mother and me to Br Warren's to see his
Mother; in the afternoon when the rest were
all out of the room he asked me if I enjoyed
myself better since I was married than I did
before? I told him much better; I know not
why he should ask such a question but I can
guess the reason; I have not seen him before
since was married to hardly speek to him he was
here with J.C. Mallory but I only passed the
compliments with him: if he feels as I have
heard he does I pitty him; Aunt Lucy told
what Jason said when he was at her house
I am sorry for what has been said this spring
for I think it has injured him much in
the estimation of the people this way
more than he thinks of; I can hardly help
thinking but that some has been said to injure me
"he that robs me of my good name robs me of that
which not enriches him but makes me poor indeed"
at any rate I think there has been some crooked
stories told by a certain person or persons but they


1845
June
26
will have to answer for them not I so I will let it rest
for the less I have to say the sooner it will be ended
A certain peddler from Ct. appears to know all
about matters and things and he said Elvira told 25
lies and that he would have seen me if it had cost
5 dollars; if I had known it, it might have troubled
him to have accomplished his purpose for I dont
like to see folks too smart he said I promised
to marry Jason but the Old folks were displeased
so that he should never do any thing about it.
I expected this afternoon to have to stay with
Elvira but before dark Lester and Eli came
home and Eli came up after me
29
James Morse called here to-day twice once in
the morning but I was gone out into the field
and Eli came after me but we did not get
back before he was gone for we stopped to pick
strawberries too long; and then he called
this evening; it rains so that Eli will
not go to Cabot to night he has been to
work for Father for two days past
July
4
This day is the anniversary of the declaration
of independence of our country with joy we hail
its approach it reminds us that we are a free and
happy people that no yoke of oppression but what we allow
is bound upon our shoulders but how was this freedom
obtained alas! by the spilling of much blood by the loss
of Americas dearest sons by the sacrifice of wealth and
all the heart holds dear on earth no price was too dear


1845
July
4
but what it was paid cheerfully, they gave up all
for that which was dearer to them than life their freedom
they left their families and friends and all and fought
for their country's cause, and rich was their reward they
obtained their freedom both of boddy and mind and to
us they have transmitted this precious legacy and to us
the future generation will look for it from our hands
unsullied as when we first received it from the patriots
of the revolution and shall they receive it thus that
is for the people to answer. Have staid at home to day
because I felt unwell in the morning Father & Mother
went to the celebration: my husband was not here so I
could not go but I did not care much about going
6
Have staid at home to-day there is a meeting at the
meetinghouse but Eli could not go so I staid at home
he was writing a letter to his cousin J.E.P.__ but he did not
finish it for he slept too long. Orrilla went to meeting
when she came home Dianna came with her. Eli started
back for Cabot 3 1/2 o'clock we all rode about half a mile
with him and we came part of the way back through
the woods and field it was through the same field
and woods that in my younger days I used to
sport when released from my task and the ever
watchful eye of the schoolmistress there we a happy
band erected swings built playhouses or culled the
choicest fruit to present to our teacher or chased
the gay butterfly in our pursuit of flowers to adorn
our teachers desk these reflections crowded upon
my mind as I wandered past the well known retreat


1845
July
6
I entered the schoolhouse it was unaltered save what the
hand of time required there it stood looking as natural
as life and there is the verry seat on which I have
sat many a day whilst I was tugging hard up science's
hill, and there I received the many precepts that are
[illegible]
to effect my after life, there like at the home circle
the influence
received
is felt through life: but these
days are past these happy days of childhood have given
place to the more active scenes of life and never
again to return, and the companions of these hours
where are they? I receive
in answer
only the faint echo, where
some have gone to the far west others I know not
where some have gone to their long homes while
few only of us yet remain near the scenes of our
early days and probably I too soon shall be a
stranger among these well loved places soon my
name will be remembered only as one that was
but is not soon will this boddy turn to dust and
this spirit to my God who gave it I too shall decay
with all things earthly: I can but drop a tear to the
memory of the past to the happy days that have
fled, yet they can not be recalled and regrets are useless
I will plant contentment within my bosom for
that will true happiness I will not repine at
the hardness of my lot nor be discouraged when
trouble and sorrow oppress I will seek support
on High there is a source which never fails in God
will I trust I will come unto Jesus and 'cast my
cares on him and take his yoke on me for it is


1845
July
6
easy and his burden for it is light' then shall I
be happy then shall I be at rest.
Miss E.__ B__ Stone the lady with whom Eli was once
verry intimate has returned to Cabot I suppose she
thinks he has treated her unkindly in thus leaving
her thus and he thinks he has a reasonable excuse
I hope ere long he will call on her and have it
settled if it costs the last cent he possesses
for his sake I wish it settled for as it is if he
does not love
her
it will cause him many unpleas-
-ant feelings; and one to occupy the place which
another thinks rightfully belongs to her; causes
many a cloud to pass over my brow, when I think
that probably she loved him as well no perhaps
better than I, that she mourns his loss more than
if he had been dead for hardly a day has passed
since her return but what she must have seen
him and to see him and to think that he is
married to annother is the worst of it all, but
I hope she cares not for it that she lays it not
to heart but will rise superior to all that has
been said and show that she cares not for him
I wish that she may prosper and yet be happy
and it would be wrong in me to try to injure her
in the least or say the least thing against her
I never have seen her therefore know nothing
against her and probably our acquaintance
will never be great even if we should
live near each other -


1845
July
9
'When I would do good evile is present with me'
I make many good resolutions but involintarily
break them I render not good for evile but evile
for evile sin worketh in me to do many things
which are forbidden in the 'holy law of love' yet
I perceive it not until I am overcome with evile
doings -
11
7 o'clock P.M. I have now retired to my room after the
laborious task of this day is performed: for several days
past I have been whitening some linnen yarn and
to-day it has required much attention but evening
has come and I shall soon find rest - I will
not dread the future but look forward with hope
for better days, that better prospects will soon
dawn upon my head. about 8 o'clock Mrs Toby
and Catherine called here -
13
- I have staid at home to-day it was too warm to
go to meeting at Woodberry and Eli's eyes are so sore
that he can not go out much without his glasses
and he is doctoring his eyes. Last week Eli went to
see Miss Stone and had all things settled with her
and I rejoice that it is over and past.
14
How it rains a thunder storm indeed this forenoon
but it did not come before we needed it for it was
getting rather dry: Eli has gone to the east part
of the town and I fear he will get wet and
take cold


1845
July
How a paper and even the smallest thing
will bring to mind the transactions of by gone
days things that time has almost erased from
our memory and we live over again as it were
the scenes of early days we dwell with delight on
the happy days we have spent and heave the sigh
to the memory of the dark hours of trouble.
15
8 o'clock P.M. I have just returned from Montpelier
where I have been to see a caravan of animals the
tents were so crowded that it was verry warm and
uncomfortable - Different far different were
my situation and feelings to day than they were
nearly five years ago when I attended a similar
exhibition not in respect to what I there saw
but in respect to my own verry self: then I was
with one who was aspiring to the highest place
in my esteem
affections
; now with my dearly beloved
husband and now I have different hopes and
expectations: the present that I that evening
received I still keep and weare to remind me
of what has been but what is not of what I then
could have been if I had chosen it. -
15
Elmina was there and she appeared very diff
-erently than I expected she was verry sociab-
le and kept verry near us most of the
afternoon I was happily disappointed in
her actions, appearance and even evry
thing


1845
July
20
This morning started and went to meeting we
had been there but a short time before we
heared that Sister Sarah Ann had been thrown
from a carrage and hurt verry badly and Eli
went directly for his horse and we started
as soon as possible and found her injured
very much she was thrown out of the wagon
and struck the small of her back against
a log and I fear she is beyond recovery. -
21
Have been this evening to see Sarah Ann
she is lamer than yesterday: Lester went with me
23
5 1/2 o'clock PM have just returned from
the funeral of Aunt Polly Templeton
she has been sick many years and now
she is gone where there is no more pain
or sickness and we can not wish her back
to this world of trouble to suffer on as she
has. We started about 10 1/2 o'clock this morning
it rained then and has rained ever since
and our horse acted so bad in the procession
that we could not go to the grave Orrilla drove
and father had Charles ride with us and drive
as far as we came on his way: we was wet enou-
-gh when we got home and had some mud on us
26
- 7 o'clock PM. Have just returned from Mr Kent
Mrs Kent died last night but I did not know
it until I arrived and I staid and helped
them prepare for the funeral which is tomorrow
she had a verry dirty house to clean and in fact


1845
July
26
evry thing was dirty. Mr Kent told me he had
lived with his wife near forty years and never
had a hard word or a word of dificulty passed
between them from
from 
the first time he saw
her, she was indeed an excellent woman
and may I practice her virtues coppy her
example and live as christian like a life
as she lived and die as happy as she died
One thing I wish that like her I may
never speek a cross word to my husband that
like her no domestic broils may embitter my happiness.
Two of Br Warren's sisters came to see him and
they sent for Orrilla and me to come and see
them this afternoon but we were not at home.
27
I did not go to the funeral this afternoon
for I felt the effects of yeterday's jaunt too
much: we have had lots of company that came
form the funeral for it rained. Eli started
for Cabot as soon as it stopped raining.
30
Br. Warren came down here for me to go up to his
house this morning Miss Frost &. Miss Whitney
from Wms.town were there and I had a good
visit came home at 2 o'clock P.M.
Aug
1
Ortensa staid here last night and came
for her dinner as we had string beans to-day
for dinner Mrs Ballow & Mrs Snow called and
took dinner and then went to Warren's mother
went with them and so I had to stay at home
I intended to have gone to see Ermina.


1845
Aug.
1st
Five years ago to-day Elvira moved to Williamstown
does it seem so long? no: to look back it is but as
yesterday that we parted to live together no more
as we had done I to live here and she there and
where else her husband saw fit she then cast
her self as upon the unknown ocean not
knowing what her fate would be.
2d
5 o'clock P.M.
It rains and I fear Eli will have a hard time coming
home to night if he comes at all but I trust he will
come for he never has failed of coming evry satur
-day night as yet long and lonesome will it
be if he does not come when I expect him the
least stir or noise causes me to listen for his com-
ing and my mid is ill at ease
3d
5 o'clock P.M. Eli is gone, and how lonesome it is; it
seems as though I coud not have him go to-night
I felt differently than I ever have before when he left
I know not why but I can not account for my
present feelings the present circumstances are such
that I do not feel as I would with that I did I am
uneasy and long for the time to come when I shall
be with and live with my husband that hills and
valleys may not intervene, but that we may dwell
in one house and be to each other what we should be
and help to bear each others burdens it seemes not when 
living thus that he has taken me to be his 'helpmeet on
earth his partner in the tomb his companion in Heaven
but I will not despair but look forward to the time when
we shall live together and hope it will be ere long.


1845
Aug 
3d
James M - came over with Eli last night and he
has been here most of the time since: in the forenoon
Eli and I rode out went to Dea. Blisses and Ermina came
home with us I have hardly seen her before since
she came home before we went out with Elvira
and picked some raspberries and when we came
back we found Mr Sheldon and wife and two children
here old Aunt Naoma as she is called came here
last night to stay with us it is not right I think
for people to practice visiting on sunday but there
is certain times when I think it would not be impr
-opper but to have a hous continualy thronged
on the sabbath is unsupportable where one does
not visit on the sabbath they are not apt to receive
company. -
9th
P.M. How warm it is the heat has almost overcome
me it seems that I never stood its effects so poorly
before I know not what will become of me if this wea-
-ther lasts long I surely can not work for I shall
not have strength to perform that which is neces
-sary for human comfort
12
Evening:  Aunt Reachelll and Emeline came
here this afternoon and Orrilla came home
to night and a jolly time we have had when
they went home we went to Dea Bliss' and then
Ermina came out a little ways with us
15
Have been to visit Ermina this afternoon she
came here this forenoon to invite us to come and
see her Miss E Morse was here to wash and went too.


1845
16
Aug
6 o'clock P.M. Eli has come and Br Burnham and wife
came with him. Cousin Charles & Laura called at
Orrilla's school and brought her home and are
going to stay over night. Eli and I called at Uncle Hall's.
17
Have been to meeting part of the day but Eli
had the headache so we did not stay all day
when he started for Cabot I road a short distance
with him.  Orrilla rode out with Charles & Laura.
19
Orrilla and I started this morning to visit two 
of our aunts and so father harnessed a horse
for us to ride and the horse ran and acted
so that father told us we should not drive
it for it was as much as we both could do to
stop it and it affrighted me verry much
and we came back to the house and then
went on foot so we could not make
but one visit but we had a good visit
24
Am now at Cabot came here today Mrs Mathewson and her
sister are here and we shall have a jolly time while she stays
26
Am today at Mr Lance's Eli came and brought me here to
a lecture on mnemonics last evening and Orlando brought
Sarah Ann I shall stay a day or two.
30
To night there is a party at Mr J Morse's and we have all had
an invitation and Sarah Ann is going with Jesse.
How I shall feel to go there among strangers I shall feel
so that I can not act myself I shall act as awkward as
though I never saw saw [sic] or heared of a party in my
life but I can not help it go I must decency demands it.


1845
Aug
31
I feel the effects of the last nights carousal plainly to day
such a place has no charm for me their fun and nonsense
is vanity and vexation to me my mind is not with them
it srinks [shrinks] from the thoughts of such a scrape
Sept
2
Have been rather out of tune to day, did
not sit up but verry little in the forenoon
I rode to Danvil Green yesterday in the after-
-noon in company with Mrs Mathewson and
took cold.
3 
Sarah Ann and I started to go to Br Burnha-
m's this afternoon but they were not at home so
we went to Mr Moulton's when coming home we saw
Eli out with his horse and carriage and I wish
he would come home to-night for I want to see
him verry much.
6
At my fathers once more we started from
Cabot at 3 o'clock and arrived here about sundown
7
Orrilla was absent when I came home she was on a
visit to see cousin Roxana and she and Miss A.
White who returned with ther called here this after-
-noon was glad to see her for she has been gone
more than a yeat that the factory - We intended
to go to Woodberry to meeting to day but it rained
so this morning that it was not convenient.
11
We have had company this afternoon several of
the neighbors called and we had a jolly time.
14
It has rained so that there has been no mee-
ting to day. Mr Eddy and wife came here last
night and would have gone if it had not rained


1845
Sept
14
Mr J.M. from Cabot called here this after noon and
we went with him to see George Jacobs who is verry
sick - Orrilla rode there with Jesse and came back
with us we had to come back in the rain.
16
1 o'clock PM Eli is gone he did not go back to his work
last night as he generaly does and he and father
have been off on buisness this forenoon. I feel
rather weak to day the effects of something
like an ague fit last night.
How quick despair will find its way to the breast
of man as soon as hope blessed hope is fled -
O hope thou life and light of man's existence
thou wert given to man by the Old Wise Ruler
of the Universe to be his blessing through this
vale of tears to guide him onward in the time
of trouble and point 
to
him happier days yet
to come
Oct
3
Alone! how dreaded that sound to the ear all
have gone and left me alone in the house
my mind wanders to what is past and then returns
to the present from which it recoils as from
that which is insupportable how can I submit to
all such I need patience and humility to
put up with all and swallow it down as
good I wish I could let it all pass without
a word
evening
Eli has come home and moved all of his tools and
now intends to stay here for awhile. Orilla went
to M- center and Cousin Roxana came home with her


1845
Oct 
5
Evening: Have been to Moscow to meeting today Mr
Hathaway and wife came here last night and
to-day went to meeting Orrilla went with them
and came back with us we called on Mr A Dwinell
after meeting before we reached home it rained hard
8
Evening. This evening we all went up to the meeting house
to hear a woman preach but we were disappointed
there was no meeting there on our return back
we were overtaken by Mr. M. & Sarah Ann who had
been to the house and finding no one there went
to Mr Warren's and hearing of the meeting started
to go but they met Lester who told them the
whole story so they turned and overtook us.
12 
Have been to meeting to-day two Mr Dwinells and their
wives called here and took dinner and one called
this evening after meeting. it has rained most
of the afternoon and when they started for home
it rained so hard that Mrs. D- left her bonnet
and dress and wore home one of mine they live
in a public house so they were obliged to go home
in the rain they could not stay until morning.
13
Ira came after Sarah Ann to-day and he told
us that his father and mother and the whole
family were going to Manchester in a few
weeks it does not seem hardly possible that
they are all going off - I fear Eli will not be
contented here if his father's family all go and
leave him as one alone but I hope it is not so.


1845
Oct
19
Have been to Uncle Hall's Eli was going to Woodberry &
Orrilla was going to Uncle Hall's so rather than be
left alone I went with her we rode with Eli.
29
Sad and alone I enter my room no kind husband's smile
is there to welcome my approach; the whole evening has
been lonesome to me, there was a vacancy in the
family circle one love one was missing; he has
gone to Cabot he heared last evening that his father
with his whole family had gone to Manchester there
to stay at least one year and longer if they choose.
30
Evening: Eli has come but he has had rather bad
luck he has broken his waggon verry badly so
that he could not ride home in it: he found
that his sister had not gone with the rest
to Manchester but was staying to regulate the
house before she leaves there is so strong indu-
-cements for her to stay he thinks perhapse
she will remain in Cabot time will tell.
31
Cousin Celia is here and I have been to Mr
Warrens with her she wanted to see Elsa
Eli is mending his waggon to day
Nov
9
Have been to meeting to we had a young
preacher by the name of Payne to preach, he
brought Amanda Cole with him was verry
glad to see her have not seen her before
since last winter though she has been in
town once before


1845
Nov
23
There has been a funeral at the meeting house to day it was
the funeral of Mrs Woodard it was verry rainy and
we did not hear where it was to be until late this morni-
-ng so that it was not convenient for us to go. - 
Thus in a few short years has Mr Woodard been robed
of two wives by the fel destroyer death he is left
a second time alone to mourn the loss of his
nearest earthly friend.
27
Thanksgiving-day: Lonesome indeed it seems there is
no meeting that I know of and it has rained nearly all
day Br Warren and his family have been here this
afternoon his sister Paulina was there and she
came with them Eli has been absent most of the
day from the house at the mill: Thanksgiving was
so unexpected this year that scarcly any one was prepared
for it they did not expect it until next month
we all felt disappointed for we expected to go to
meeting and there was so short notice and the
going was so bad that it was not convenient
there is quit a contrast between this day and
thanksgiving day last year then we went to
meeting and all things went on differently; diffe-
rent feelings existed then from what does now
Dec
2
We have this evening written a letter to father Goodnough's
folks we have not heared directly from them since
they left and have waited until now for a letter.
7
Have been to meeting to day this is the last meeting
we expect at the meeting house this winter the
house is so large and open it is not comfortable


Dec
7
Cousin Laura called here after meeting and staid
until evening.
14
We went to Charles' last evening and did not
get home until this evening when he came we
found Uncle Toby and wife here and Mr. Hersey
the school teacher came in to spend the evening
We were glad to see Uncle Toby and hope all
hardness will cease to exist.
18
Am preparing to go to Montpelier to day to call
when we come home at Cousin Hiram's and 
make them a visit. I am doing up my visiting
this week for the present
Evening: we arrived at home about 7 or half past I was
sick and vomited when riding it has snowed all
the afternoon.
21
Have spent the day at home reading have felt
almost sick most of the day despair fairly got hold
of me and I felt sick, sick at heart.
1846
Jan 1
I am preparing to go to a wedding Cousin Emeline
is to be married this evening and we all have had 
an invitation even to Grandmother: I shall go
to please Eli not to please myself my situation
is such that it does not seem that I can enjoy
myself at all - Another year has numbered
itself with those that are past and we are all
alive and well enjoying the choicest of high 
Heaven's blessing good health for this and the
many other rich boons we ought to return our
sincere thanks to the all Wise Ruler of the


1846
Jan
1st
Universe and ask him to still continue to watch
over and preserve us from the temptations and
ills which mortals here below are subject when left
to follow their own lusts and are not guided by
the teachings of the divine Word of God who
is good to all, to the evile and unthankfull.
When we look to the past it is like a dream all
a mystery when we cast our mind into the future
it is uncertain and we know not what will be
our condition or situation; and well it is for
us that we know not the future or what trials
and sufferings we are to meet with; so clleer
up that we can press onward in the path
marked for us to pursue that we may nurve [nerve]
ourselves to perform evry duty that devolves
on us without a murmur or complaint.
2
And now what about the wedding? why they had
a splended time of it in the first place the
cards we received for the invitation were
grand, and in fact they had evry thing in
the best style for so large a company all
her nearest relation and part of his were
invited all the old folks went away or most
of them at least at 9 o'clock in the evening
and the younger ones staid to have a jollly
time we did not stay but got home
about 10 o'clock. And certainly evry thing
went on well first rate I enjoyed
myself better far better than expected


1846
Jan
4
there were two couple from Cabot besides Mr
Jesse Morse who was here with whom I was
acquainted and I had a good visit with them
Have been to Charles Marsh's to day and on our way
there called at J.S. Dwinell's we found them all
well and at Charles' I think they were glad to see us.
11
Have been to meeting to heear the Rev B-
Parmer preach liked him much better
than expected
18 
Arrived at home this evening, we went last
friday to Woodberry to visit Eli's relation there
staid Friday night at one of his cousins went
saturday to see his Grandfather & Grandmother
we intended to return home at night but the
weather was so bad we could not conveniently
so we staid at one of his Uncles and started
for home as soon as convenient we rode as far as
Uncle Hall's and were obliged to call and warm and they
would not let us go until after dinner.
20
All is bustle and confusion in preparation for a party
tomorrow evening Aunt Rachael has been here helping
make the cake.
21
O! that I had a place where to put myself that I should
be away from the noise and confusion of the party
this evening I intended to go away and not be here but
Eli thought it was not 
best, but it is not
any good will to the party that I stay
for I do not consider that I have been well used
concerning it for they knew my feelings and situation
and that I wished them to have it the first of sleighing


1846
22
Jan.
The party is over and glad am I. it was not much of a party
to me for I staid in the kitchen nearly all of the time
I had no desire to unite with the rest in their sports
Cousins Laura & Roxana staid over night and will stay
a day or two. I have been spinning linnen today
but do not feel verry bright after the party.
24
This is Emeline's birthday she made me promise
the evening of the party to visit her to-day so I went
accordingly had a good visit returned home about 7 1/4 o'clock
this evening. Eli carried me there and then came after me.
Last evening visited at Mr Wood's J.W.E. Bliss and wife
were there they did not like it that we did not visit
at their house the night after the party here and
said considerable about it in a manner that was
not verry agreeable to me it was not of much concequence
for I thought they were unreasonable to expect us.
27
Eli & Orrilla have been to Montpelier to day they did
not get home until near dark this evening we
have company there is 9 couple they are all merry
and appear to enjoy themselves there is a party at
the north part of the town and some of them are going
to attend so they did not stay verry late.
Feb.
6
Today Charles Marsh & Mr Eaton and their wives have been
here they Married sisiters who were Eli's cousins Mr Eaton
is from Sutton we visited there last winter and now
they have returned the visit they came about noon
and staid until dear dark Mr Perry
and wife child
came about
the time they went away: we had a good visit with 
them they each brought one child with them.


1846
Feb
6,
They almost concluded almost to stay once over
night but at last they alteered their minds
Eli thought they would have staid over
night if Father had come home but he did not
come until dark.
8 
Have spent the day at home reading some am
well as usual. Last evening Eli went with a
peddler to Kents corner and saw several
of his old friends from the east part of the
town who came over to dancing school
22
To-day road out called on Aunt Prisilla found
her not verry smart having a bad cold.
March
1
Spent the day at home Cousins Eliot & Roxana
came here this afternoon and staid a short time
6
Ive started this morning and went to Uncle Suel's
and staid in the forenoon in the afternoon
called at cousins John's & Joel's staid at Joels
and took supper Eli has worked in Joels shop
through the day we returned home
early
in the
evening as the roads were bad I have not been
to Uncle Suel's for 6 years to make a visit.
8
Have been to see Elvira today Mr Warren is gone to
East Montpelier to preach I have not been
there since snow came before I walked up there
but Eli came after me. probibly I shall not
walk so far again at present for it did me
no good perhaps nere again shall I visit my sister
or at least not at present


1846
March 
15
Elvira started to go to meeting this morning
but it was so bad going that she did go but a few
rods by the house before the horse got into the
snow so that they were obliged to take the horse from
the sleigh and E- turned and came back and
staid until Mr Warren came back at night.
17
To-day a little afternoon Elis Uncle Chandler Braddish
and Mr Mathewson and wife came here Mrs. M is the
same creature that she was last winter when we visited
her and last summer when she was at Cabot all life
and animation.
18
To-day we have all been to Montpelier to visit the
State House Mr & Mrs Mathewson had never seen
it before Mrs M trained some about the sitting
room in the tavern where we called they
came back here and after supper Chandler
went home but the rest are to stay until
morning when they will start for Wheelock
on the whole we have had an excelent visit
since they have been here.
22
Catharine B- and Cousin Roxana came here
this forenoon Orrilla started to go and see
them but she had not gone far before she
met them I have staid in the chamber
and kitchen most of the time to-day
27
3 1/2 o'clock
Have been confined to the sugar kettle for most
of the day or thus for Eli has undertaken to carry
on the sugar place this spring and the sugaring
off devolves on me this is the first time and I


1846
March 
27
fear there will be but little made hardly enough to
pay the expense of commencing but we will hope
for the best. Mr Warren's folks came down to eat
sugar this afternoon and Mr E- Kent has just
called


1860
Feb
11th
Eli is dead he died this morning at two oclock
his suffereings are ore he is at rest but not so with
me mine have but just commensed but how
can I live without him he has always shielded
me from harm and been my comfort and support 
I could flee to him and unbosom my whole
soul and he would sympathise and console
we lived in close communion with each other
and now his loss is doubly great: it was seldom
he ever found fault with any thing I done
and what I wanted if money could buy it I 
had it: but it is passed liked a dream
no more will his pleasant voise greet my ear
no more his encouraging smile will guide me on
we have done all we could for him doctors
skill could not same him he was in so much
distress all of the time that I could not talk with
him about his affairs or about his situation
I tried but it would raise his fever and
they said I should kill him


1860
Apr
20
Fifteen years have now passed: fifteen years since
I was married; but alas! how changed I have now
no kind and indulgent husband I am indeed a
widow with four children depending on me:
no bright anticipations now gladden my heart
all is care and anxiety I am now fourteen
long and weary miles from my relatives I see
them but seldom; a friend now is a friend indeed
My husband has been dead a little more than two 
months we had lived here in Hardwick two years
before he died: there was a paper got up
which was read at his funeral
that
testified that he had not left and enemy in Hardwick
but though he had many friends I had but few
acquaintances: my sensative nature srinks from strangers'
eyes: I can only live and be happy surrounded by
friends I have too little confidense in myself
to go forward and accomplish what I need there
is that srinking from duty which is verry troublesome to me.
I went into the sugar place as soon as it was light this
morning and staid with Myron who is now fourteeen years
old he takes care of the sugar place this spring


Jan 1st 1861
Have been to Walden to Mr Richardsons
Father went with us and he made Mr R- an
offer of 2100 for his farm and Father and
Mother went to Mr Eddy's to stay over night and
are going to see Mr R- tomorrow and his is to
tell him if he accepts of his offer I did not
get home until after dark we me Jacob
going to the village there is a ball at the tavern
to-night and we met a great number of teams.
2d  Diped 23 dozen of candles this forenoon had not
got through when Father got back he said Mr
R- had concluded to let me have the farm and
Father let me have 100 dollars to pay in when
I took a deed which is to be the 16th of this month
went to Mr Joseph Thomas's this evening and paid
Mrs Thomas for her work when Charlie was sick it
was 25 cts
3d
Today is the day the President appointed for fast 
school did not keep and the children are at hom
Jacob has been to Woodberry and finished drawing
the granite steps they are left near Mr Smith's house
for him to sell Jacob broke Oscar Thomases iron bar and
carried it to the blacksmith to have it mended and I am
to pay Oscar for getting it mended when he comes
out here


Dec
4th  
Have been alone with Charlie to-day Jacob
worked for The Thomases Myron has gone to
the post office this evening
5th 
Jacob worked fro Mr Thomas in the fore
noon his brother came at noon and he went
to the village at 3 o-clock Myron Charlie &
I went to L B Drews in the evening. The
last time I went there with Eli it was Jan
1st 1860 - what has one short year accomplished
for me - hopes blasted expectations failed I have now
no bright anticipations of the future when I pause
to think care & sorrow stare me in the face
my greatest ambition is to see my children grow
to be virtuous and respectable and form good
characters and how to accomplish the greatest good
to them they are my all to live for when I can
be of no more use to them my task in life is accom
-plished.
6th
Today is the sabbath bright in the morning but
clouds soon obscure the sky like the life bright
and prosperous at times but soon obscured by clouds
of trouble and sorrow
7th
Jacob worked for Mr Thomas and Charlie
went to school so I am all alone
8th
Mr Smith & Wife called here he had sold
the betting harness for 4,50 he talked about
my moving to Walden and thought it a 
verry bad move he said he could not go


with me to Walden next week wednesday and
as soon as he was gone I sat down and wrote
to Father and went and carried it to
the office and called to see Francis Lewis
who is verry sick
9th
Staid all alone and sowed on my calico dress
no one came into the house after the children
went to shool except Jacob at noon
10th
Charlie staid at home and Jacob worked for Mr Thomas
I cut Edwards coat in the afternoon
11th 
All the children staid at home it was so cold
and the wind blew hard Jacob went to the village
12th
Done the satursdays work Jacob went to B F
Thomas to hire out
15th
Today is my birthday I am now 35 Father 
has come up here to night
16
Have beene today to Walden to take a deed
of a farm paid one hundred dollars towards
it: it has snowed all day hard when we got
home found Mr Foster here: had the sick
head ache all the evening.
17
Went with Mr Foster to the village he took
up the French note and gave me a note
against Holton & Judevine for 555,50
payable 27 of next March went into the 
tavern was introduced to Mrs F T Bridgman for
the first time


18
Dorothy Farr and her brother & sister came here
we sent after the children at school was glad
to see Dorothy she has worked for us one summer since
we have lived here and some before she said it 
seamed like home here only Eli was gone
19
Dorothy started for home at noon the boys
went up to the village in the forenoon
20
Jacob had the team to go to west Woodberry
and Eddie went with him
23
Myron & Jacob have gone to spelling school Nancy
Foy came here and spent the evening
24
Jacob has gone to Cabot and Marshfield and the 
children and I are left alone
25
Mryon & Eddie went to the school down the
river from here when they had finished doing
the chores there is two horses 20 sheep and 40 head
of horned cattle kept here this winter
26
After Myron had done the chores he went to
the Post Office and found a letter from J.E. 
Pierce and Wife he wrote he lost 37,41 on
the horses he had of me
27
Have been almost sick to-day have not set up all
of the time Jacob came back this evening
28
Have done the washing and made a sheet bad
as I felt yesterday
29
Have been to the village and bought Myron
two coats and a vest and Flora cloth for
a dress she staid at home and I have commenced
makng it for she thinks she needs it verry much


Jan
29
One year ago to-day, Oh the thought! Eli was 
taken sick and little did we think how soon
he would leave us how soon we should feel the
loss of his protecting arm and we left to mourn
his early death: when he had laid plans for life
many years and thought to enjoy the many
things he had laid up around him but alas
man little knows what his Maker has in store
for or how soon his end may come
30
Sowed on Floras dress what time I could get
besides doing the house work 31 Finished her dress
Feb 1st
Rosett Hunt came home from school with the
children and they went down the river to a prayer
meeting and I done my weeks mending this evening,
2d
Chandler Braddish & wife Oscar Thomas & wife
came her [here] it rained hard when they came they 
urged me hard to go home with them and I
thought once I would go but on going out
of doors I concluded to wait until next saturday
I had not done my saturdays baking when they
went away and I sat up until after 11 o clock
to get it done and some of the ironing is not done
3d
It is colder this morning if I had concluded to go
to Woodberry last night should have had a goot [good] time
4th
Washed to day it took me until supper time
Flora & Myron went to the schoolhouse to meeting
6th
Mr Richerson came here and says I can move
any thing I can pack away in the barn have
been this evening to Mr Drews to get his horse to
use with mine to do my moving John Drew has


Feb
6th
come home today from Mass.. where he has been
most of the time this winter business is so dull
there on account of Southern Dificulties Mrs
Warren Mr Drew's daughter was there: there
was a meeting again at our schoolhouse Elder
Thurber Preached but my children did not go
to night there was to much fun among the
young people last night to suit me
7
Jacob went to Walden with a load of goods
and I told him to leave the cows in the barn
and I would let them out but such a time
as I had getting to the barn it blowed & snowed
the worst I ever did see it and the path was
drifted full the children came home with
Jacob when he came from walden
8
The children tried to get to school but before they
had gone half way they were obliged to turn and
come back and one was crying because so cold they
thought their
feet
were froze
9
It was so cold and the roads were so drifted 
I thought we could not go to woodberry as 
we agreed to for the children were all nearly 
sick with colds all cough badly Went to
Wolcot carried some corn but it was so full
of cobs that they did not want to buy it never
felt so worked up in my life as when the man
come to empty one bag of corn and said he 
would take no more than that and that
must be at a reduced price


10
Myron & Jacob went to west Woodberry: in the 
evening Joseph Thomas & wife & Martha Lewis
came in: the children poped some corn.
11
One year ago to day Eli died and what I have
felt and endured no one but my God can
know in this short year: sad and alone with
the care of a large farm and four children
to see to and look out for and no friends
near to comfort and console
I have been alone to-day no other one on the
premises and it has been lonesome indeed
12
It has rained so Jacob could not go to walden
and the children went to school on foot
we thought it would spoil our road down
to the bridge Mr Drew drove over here in the
evening to get his trap
13
Jacob went to Walden and John Drew came here to
borrow sleigh to peddle fish
14
Jacob went to Walden with a load and Charlie
staid at-home with me
15
It has stormed so this morning that Jacob did 
not go to Walden and he and Charlie went to 
school this afternoon
16
Mr Smith & Mr Thomas came here to agree on
the price of a hog sold to Mr Thomas and
he took it home when the children came home
Jacob went to Walden carried corn and a cubbo-
-ard and a table he has been 7 times with a load


1861
Feb
17
Today have been almost sick and have not sat up 
much I work evry day in the week except sundays
and when my work is hard it wears on one I have
no recreation no play days it is toil on for your
children from early in the morning until late
at night but if they will only be good children
and do right I have all the reward I ask I will
toil cheerfully for them
18
Washed to day what I thought we could not get along
without
19
Mr Foster came up with a load of oats the first time
he has come
with a load
we have been looking for him some
time and thought he must be sick but he said the
weather and roads were to bad for him
20
Took of Mr Foster 186 dollars and a note of 431
with his name on it and a note against Mr
Bulock of 50 dollars
21
Miss H- Whitlock came with J. Drew
John Drew came and paid his note 84,48. The
children are all gone to school except Myron
and he has gone to Walden with a load of grain
they went down to the red school house it is
the last day of school in that district as well as
ours I was all alone and seated myself to look
over my accounts and had not been at the
desk five minutes when Mrs Jackson Thomas came
to spend the afternoon it snowed and blowed so hard
that Franklin Thomas came and brought the
children home from school


22d
It blowed so hard that the boys did not go to Walden
Jacob went with me in the afternoon to the
village to pay out some money it was drifted so
bad in one place that we tiped over the sleigh
Feb
23
Mr Resolved Mack was buried to-day deeply lamented
by all he was sick nearly as Eli was.
The boys went to Walden and I took up the carpet
and washed out the parlour
24
I read most all day Jacob went to west Woodberry
Myron went off some where.
25
Done the washing: Sent a load of goods to Walden by Mr Johnson
26
Went to Walden carried 200 dollars to Mr Richardson
Rode on a loaded sled Mr Richardsons Sister came
there when I was there
27
Sent the meat barrels to Walden we had just got them
loaded when Mrs Scribner came and she had not
been here long when Mrs Woodberry came and 
before they went away Sister Elvira & Husband
came and about 8 o clock Mr Foster's boys came
one of them is going to stay and do our chores
Elvira felt bad because there were so many here
says she can never come to see one but there is a
left their load and ran against a man and had to pay 1,50 for damage
lot around Mr Fosters boys got tiped over before they got here and
28
Elvira started for home early this morning, Mr
Smith settled with Jacob and he has gone home
he felt rather one sided about settling and
thought he ought to have damage because
he did not work a year


March
1st
It has rained to day considerable Myron staid at home
In the evening He and Flora & Mr Foster's boy went
to Mr Wheelers the little boys have gone to sleep and
it is so lonesome not the least noise except the
ticking of the clock how still and solemn after
the noise and confusion of the day
2d
Myron
and Edward
went to Walden to day he broke his sleigh thill
and left it as Mr Bushs to have a new one put in 
Myron said my meat barrels were not carried into 
the cellar yet they were carried last thursday
wednesday
to
walden and Mr Richardson promised to carry them
into the cellar he did not want to carry them
that day for Mrs St Clair had company and
they had to go through her room: some of the
meat was lately put in and not covered with 
brine and I fear it will hurt
3d 
It rains and the snow is fast disapearing and I 
fear we shall loose our sleighing and I shall have
a hard time of it to move I have spent the
most of the day in reading
4th
Washed to day and it was so pleasant
that my clothes were so dry that I brought then
in at dark the wind began to blow
6th
Spent part of the day in cleaning house
and packing my things
7th
It was so cold I could not clean house so I took 
my wheel and spun some stocking yarn
the wind blows hard


8th
March
This afternoon took the children to the village
to have their likeness taken Paid 150 for
having them taken Myron could not go to
walden he had to get his horse shod after
he got home he carried the old stove
up to Britain Mr Foster come to night
with two loads of goods a Mr Reed was
with the other team
9
it has rained almost the whole of the
day and just at night it commensed 
snowing. Mrs Thomas came here and spent
most of the afternoon I was cleaning house
she said she did not wish to hinder me
she expected to find me at some such
business Mr Foster is coming the first
pleasant day after monday so I shall have
to hurry to be prepared for them
10
It is Sunday the last one I expect to spend 
in Hardwick Samuel Foster had the
team and went to meeting Cornelius 
Scribner has been here to day to see
Myron
11
Washed to-day and cleaned house in the afternoon in
the evening washed my cheeses Prentice Scribner came
here and wanted I should hire him: after I went and 
laid down Martha Lewis came in and staid a short time
12
Cleaned house all day it stormed all day


13
Was in the debths of cleaning house when Mrs Foster
and 3. of her children came I did not expect them
for Mr Foster said they should not come until a
pleasant day
it is far from being pleasant to day
and they have not brought any thing
to go to keeping house except beds and chairs
14
have cleaned house and done the house work and packed things
as fast as I could Mr Foster has come with the rest of 
his family and one load of goods so they can go to 
house keeping: in this afair I have had more than I 
bargained for
15
Have collected teams and sent almost everything in the
house to Walden Franklin Thomas Jackson Thomas and
Myron went with loads and I picked up and went to Joseph Thomases
16
Started from Joseph Thomases (where we all staid last night)
for Calais we tiped over sleigh horse baggage and 
all and had to call for help to get the horse and
sleigh up in the road again: arrived at Fathers
a little after noon found Father & Mother both
quite unwell but so as to do their own work.
17
I laid abed part of the day went to Father Goodnough
and staid a short time just at night and then went back
to Fathers to stay over night
18
Washed in the forenoon and went up to see Elvira
in the afternoon there is an exhibition at the meeting
house this evening Myron Flora & Edward have gone I should
liked to have gone if I had had a chance to ride but Charlie
& I staid with Father & Mother


19
Have been To Montpelier to do some business Elvira
went with me to Myron drove Flora rode down with Father
and came back with us Father brought home a hundred
tin sap tubs he has spoke for a hundred for me he
says he will give them to me and I bought twenty
gave six dollars for them
20
Went to Mr Warren's in the morning, Elsie came down
to father's and said if I would come up there here
mother would sew for me on her machine I went and
she sewed the seams in four pair of pants she went with
me to Father Goodnoughs and spent the afternoon and I staid
over night Father sent Myron up to tell me to come down
there but I thought I would stay where I was
21
I got up as soon as it was light and went to Fathers
and commensed packing and getting reddy for starting for
Walden to which place I arrived a little after noon
I came in upon Mr Richardsons folks rather unexpected
22
Mr Richardson has gone to his Mothers funeral it stormed
so his wife concluded not to go Mr Foster came out
here in the storm to fetch my stove he got here about
three Oclock
23
Myron went to Hardwick and took out the dog here
Mr Richardson did not get home from his Mothers
Funeral until late in the afternoon Myron went
with him to the post office in the evening
24
Myron & Flora went to meeting with Mary I staid at
home with the other children O such a long day the
first Sunday in Walden I feel like a cat in
a strange garet


March
25
Washed to day Myron started for Montpelier intends
going as far as Calais and stay over night. Mr Smith
came here this afternoon to see about a hired man I had
not finished my washing when he came Mr Clark & wife called
26
It has rained to day I have done the most of the ironing
27
It rained hard in the forenoon Myron came
home about one oclock he brought his desk and
it was filled with presents to me
28
Went to Hardwick and had the Stock prized it looked
rather Shabby Mr Foster has not done as the golden
rule directs by my Stock. Mr Samuel Warren & Mr
Levi Goodrich apprized the stock we did not get
through until so late we staid at J S Smith's over
night
29
Started from Mr Smiths called at Judevines and riceived
some money & notes of him went to Aikens store done
a little trading Aiken changed money with me
came home finished paying the first note toward
my farm Orvis Toby was here in the door yard
when I came
30
Received a letter from the man Mr Smith hired
to work for me that he could not come we hired
a French man to come and work for us this afternoon
Apr 1st
Myron & Mr Richardson went to Hardwick
2
It stormed so they could not go after the cattle
3
Mr Richardson Myron & Eddie went to Hardwick
and drove the Stock
4
Went to Mr Clarks to a sugaring off and took all
the children had a good time Mr B__ went to Hardwick


5
Mrs Richardson had company come in the morning
a Mrs Chamberlain and little girl staid all day
in the evening Mr Whitcher & wife called,
6
A man that called here and wanted me to
hire him has come on to work
7th
Have spent most of the time reading our hired man's
brother staid here last night but John Welsh our
hired man went to stay with his cousin.
8
Done Mrs Richardsons washing with mine to day
it took me nearly all day to wash
9
Miss Elen Farington visited Mrs R__ this afternoon
Flora and I went in Mrs R__s roon [room] to visit with her
10
Sugared off for the first time invited Mr Clark's
folks but only one of them came
12
Myron went and engaged a wood machine to come
and cut our wood and the man has come and set it up
13
Sugared off again have now made 128 lbs the wood machine
has worked it has rained part of the time
14
Have lain on the bed part of the day I sat up late
last night to do my mending and was verry sleepy to-day
15
Done my washing and then got some straw and began
to braid Charlie a hat Mr Knapp sawed wood
16
finished Charlies hat and comensed one for
Edward Mr Knapp sawed wood to day
17
finished Edwards hat Myron & Flora wrote to
Father & Mother and carried the letter to the
post Office it has stormed so hard they could
not saw wood, John drove Mr St Clairs cows
to him but they were back here before he was


April
18
Today is Myron's birth day he is now 15 it seams but
a short time since he was a babe in my arms how swiftly
time flies it soon passes away with its joys and sorrows
Mr Knapp finished sawing wood his bill was 7,25
19
Went with Mr Richerson and wife to see Mr Pexter
who is sick in the afternoon Amos Eddy called here
20
16 years ago to-day I was married


How happy is the man
who's chosen wisdom's ways,
And measured out his span,
To his God in prayer and praise.
His God and his bible
Are all that he desires;
To holiness of heart
He continually aspires;
In poverty he's happy,
For he knows he has a friend,
Who never will forsake him,
And on whom he can depend
He rises in the morning,
With the lark he tunes his lays,
And offers up a tribute
To his God in prayer and praise;
And then unto his labor
He cheerfully repairs
In confidence believing,
His God will hear his prayers.
Whatever he engages in,
At home or abroad,
His object is to honor
And glorify his God.


In sickness, pain and sorrow
He never will repine,
While he is drawing nourishment
From Christ the living vine.
When trouble presses heavily,
He leans on Jesus breast
And in his precious promises
He finds a quiet rest.
The yoke of Christ is easy,
The burden always light;
He tires nor is he weary
Till Canaan heaves in sight.
'Tis thus you have his history;
Through life from day to day;
Religion is no mystery,
It is a beaten way;
And when upon his pillow
He lays him down to die
In hope he rejoices,
For he knows his God is nigh.
And when life's lamp is flickering
His soul on wings of love,
Flies away to realms of glory,
To dwell with Christ above.


And now his spirit's happy,
For he's joined the holy land,
A crown is on his head,
And a palm is in his hand;
With saints and priests and prophets,
He'll strike the golden lyre;
And shout hallalujah,
With all the heavenly choir.
He's happy now eternaly,
His joys are all complete
With his angels he is bowing
Around the Saviors feet. -


Reading the Wandering Jew Oct 1885
It is known that according to the legend, the Wandering
Jew was a shoemaker at Jerusalem. The Savior,
carrying his cross, passed before the house of the artisan, and
asked him to be allowed to rest an instant on the stone bench
at his door. "Go on! go on!" said the Jew harshly, pushing
him away. "Thou shalt go on till ther end of time,"
answered the Saviour, in a severe and sorrowful
tone.
The Wandering Jews story
Oh cursed - cursed be the day, when - as I bent over
my work, sullen with
hate
and despair, because in spite of my
incessant labor, I and mine wanted for evrything the Saviour
passed before my door!
Reviled, insulted, covered with blows, hardly able to sustain
the weight of his heavy cross, he asked me to let him rest
a moment upon my stone bench. The sweat poured
from his forehead, his feet were bleeding, he was well nigh
sinking with fatigue, and he said to me in a mild,
heart piercing voice: 'I suffer!' - 'And I too suffer,' I
replied, as with harsh anger I pushed him from the place
I suffer, and no one comes to help me. I find no pity,
and will give none. Go on! go on!" - then with a deep sigh
of pain he answered; 'Thou shalt indeed go on till the
day of thy redemption, for so wills the Lord that is in Heaven'!
"And so my punishment began. Too late I opened these eyes to the light
- too late I learned repentance and Charity - too late I understood
those divine words of Him I had outraged - those words, which
should be the law of the whole human race: 'Love One Another'


According to a legend, Herodias was condemmed to
wander til the day of judgement, for having asked
for the death of St John the Baptist
The Wandering Jew says: "Once in a century as the two planets
draw nigh to each other in their secular revolutions, I am
permitted to meet this woman during the fatal week of the
Passion. And after this interview, filled with terrible
remembrances and boundless griefs, wandering stars of
eternity we pursue our infinite course,
Woman
"Not she with traitorous kiss her Saviour stung;
Not she denied him with unholy tongue;
She, when apostles shrunk could danger brave -
Last at his cross, and earliest at his grave


Happy sleeper thou knowest no sin: no deceit
hath entered thy heart; thou art as formed by the
hand of thy Creator, the wiles of the wicked world
have not yet polluted thy heart; thou knowest
nought but trust and confidence, to thee all are
alike pure as thy anjelic spirit, thou dost
not yet know what deceit there is in the heart
of man time hath as yet mumbered [numbered] to thee but
few days and taught thee but few lessons in the
great drama of human life


Eli Goodenough Born Oct, 13, 1821
Mandana Goodenough - Jan 15, 1826
Myron A Goodenough - Apr 18, 1846
Flora Goodenough - Nov 26, 1849
Edward T Goodenough - Oct 13, 1854
Charles D Goodenough Aug 28, 1855