by Laura Miller kay, I’ve just received 0 one of those flyers from the Human Rights Campaign trying to get me all worked up about the latest round of anti-gay ads. Apparently, there’s now one in which an “ex- gay” man talks about how some- times, when you’re young, you make the wrong choices, and that when he was young and foolish he got “involved” with homosexuality and drugs. Then, his mother decided to tell him the “truth” about homosexuality to “set him free,” but of course, now it’s too late, because he has AIDS. Now, I know I’m supposed to be outraged, and more impor- tantly, I’m supposed to immedi- ately write this big whopping check to HRC (oh, as if I-IRC can’t get enough money from those white male investment bankers in New York who keep pictures of faux girlfriends on their desks), but somehow, I can’t help but find these ads just a tad bit humorous. I just love House of Leltay pay tribute to Bette Nidler. Hawaiian Treats -- Edible & otherwise SATURDAY August 21 $88:OO PM 135 Pearl Street - Burlington - 802.863.2343 aMaNa Hawaiian Soiree Tent Party Out in the Mountains My S0-Called Lifestyle this concept that the homosexual “lifestyle” is this endless orgy of sex and drugs (not to mention disco music and cross-dressing). What I want to know is whether these people have ever been to_a lesbian social function. Because the last year of my life has been an endless succession of overblown dyke dramas and potlucks. Just last weekend, ‘I went to this big annual barbe- cue/shindig at a secluded coun- try estate. Eighty-six lesbians showed up — yes, that’s 86 wild, wanton women, many of them bra-less. You want to know what they did? They sat around and ate. Then they had dessert and coffee (except for those who don’t do caffeine). Then some of them sang songs (Indigo Girls, of course), while others took walks, pitched horseshoes, or engaged in that eternal Tevas vs. Birkenstocks debate. The only thing people OD on €A€'1 VVNQ/V\ OUT IN THE MOUNTAINS SW A In Vert T Join Our National Weight-Loss Program * 100% Guaranteed * Doctor ‘Recommended * Most Effective For Women * All Natural * #1 in Europe — Auausr 1999 — 7 WE'LL PAY YOLl...TO LOSE WEIGHT! Call 1-800-806-2954 for Voice Mail Details at these functions is chocolate, and the only thing you’ll end up with in your crotch is the nose of some big, goofy dog. (Well, okay, most of the time that’s all you’ll end up with in your crotch...heh, heh, heh.) But seriously, who lives this lifestyle? An endless orgy of sex and drugs? Please! I wish. Granted, I’m no expert on the gay male lifestyle, and you know, we lesbians do hear wild Elizabeth Campbell CERTIFIED PUBLIC ACCOUNTANT 15 Washi11gto11 St, Rutianci, VT 05701 (802) 773-43030 Elizabet@sover.net Serving the Vermont Community stories from time to time — bare- backing, anonymous bathroom sex, the cooking and eating of red meat (No! Please! Say it isn’t sol). Still, I’m somewhat suspi- cious that anyone could be hav- ing this much fun, thatsome all- night nude rave is going on somewhere in these placid Green Mountains and I just don’t know about it. But hey, if I’m wrong, and you happen to be in charge of this homosexual “lifestyle”...can you put me on your mailing list? V Golden Threads Discreet Contact Publication for Lesbian Women over 50. and younger httpzl lmernbers.aoI.oomlgoidenlredl tndex.htm Sample Copy $5 email: GOLDEN'l‘REDoaol.oom P. O Box 65. Richford. VT 05476-0065 RAINBOW BUSINESS ASSOCIATION, CREATING A SUPPORTIV E ORK, AMONG BUSINESS OWNERS AND PROFESSIONALS. .1-A_.’amm2 (_','w/1' 9'1ap1e (jyrup email: 905! Q’#_71’ 956 Riord Road (399 (cl/°”""’ ' Richford. VT 05476 Joydgaaolcom (s02) 543-7037 qlummingbird 9117/ (802) 863-4610 RBAvt@aol.com VALLEY PRINT a«MAIL P.O. Box 147 171 Commerce Street Hinesburg, VT 05461 T. (302) 482-2995 F‘. (802) 482-2999 E: sharring@vpminc.com %VPM7 Sarah A. Harrington Marketing Director X 3335 Main St. Derby. \'T 05829 Bus. 802-766-2401 800-203-2401 FAX 802-766-4731 Home 802-766-5460 email at miclu-crr—@logether.net \) Y COUNTRY REAL 90“ AND INSURANCE Q r...-1-. Burlington, r4 ,8 www.rainbowbusiness.org 802-899-1731 Health Network * Lnformation Services ‘ Parima Thai Resta uran 185 Pearl Street Burlington, VT July 14. 1999 $10/Members b|thn@ao|.com 6:30-8:30 p.m. l'S ,. .«